Massey Maulers
2010 Results
10 April vs Glenfield Grizzlies - Loss
17 April vs Helensville Bulls - Win
24 April vs Takapuna Turtles - Win
01 May vs Silverdale Snails - Win
08 May vs Marist Chinese - Win
15 May vs KKK Kowboys - Win
22 May vs Navy Water Rats - Win
29 May vs Marist Blue Bellies - Win
12 June vs Northcote Nobras - Win
19 June vs Kumeu Kumaras (or better still, the Western Warriors) - Default
26 June vs ECB C-Niles Black - Loss
03 July vs Takapuna Guerillas - Win
10 July vs ECB C-Niles Green - Win
17 July vs Glenfield Grizzlies - Win
31 July vs Helensville Bulls - Loss
07 August vs Takapuna Turtles - Draw
14 August vs Presidents
Rally Day - Win
04 September vs Air New Zealand Jumbos - Win
10 April vs Glenfield Grizzlies Away - Loss 21-17
The draw had us up against the best performing team from last
year, and we were hoping for huge numbers sideline to allow a little
subbing to be carried out, but that wasn't to be. With minimal
subs, and a hard and fast field, it was going to be a bunch of soft and
slow prezzies showing up today for a sweaty romp in the bright sun,
The Grizzlies opened us up early, with the wind in
their favour and some hard running, scrum at about our twenty had the
halfback running off the eight and an inpass from him to the flanker
allowed him to stroll across the line close into the sticks. They
were to score a second within the first quarter, the second five
cutting back, with Stu's "toooouch!" call not quite cutting the mustard
with the ref. Our first try came after a turnover at about the
halfway, quick ball to myself had the line beckoning, but fifty metres
is a bloody long way fellas, especially first game up, and I was cut
down about ten out. We had the lineout and Stu in typical style,
received the ball with a huge gap to aim for in the opposition lineout,
ran through to score over a few opposition. The final act of the
first half involved a little gamemanship from our very own Becks, the
grizzlies backs had broken through, the final pass to their guy on the
wing had Becks (how did he get there) stretching to pull him in just
before the line, he missed, but as the winger ran into the ingoal, he
failed to place the ball straight away before my massive hit on him
(moved him about a millimetre), Becks, the cheeky bastard, made the
call "foot in touch, ref" and the ref saw it the same way!!
Believe it or not, the halftime talk didn't
include a "keep it tight", no doubt we will hear it later in the
season... All fired up after a pretty good first half, we applied
pressure, and a territory gameplan to score first up. Believe it
came from a ruck about 25 out, with our backline set and quick hands, I
found myself just outside my marker from fullback, able to fall through
the tackle from about 3m out , I bounced all the way to line with the
ball tucked under my chest. Our next came from some good turnover
ball from our forwards, ball was passed from the base of the scrum 30
out from our very own tidy halfback Duck, despite some forwards gumming
up the works, they quickly handed the pill onto one of our newbies, Jez
(or is it Jess), who looks the goods at centre, he set sail for
the line to score wide out. Unfortunately the grizzlies scored
the final try from some broken play to seal a good draw to them.
We were to keep the pressure on them for the rest of the game and
missed out on a sitter (eh Anvil) towards the end to force a win, but
to go from the field to the changing rooms with no obvious
injuries first up was a bonus!!
Dick of the Day - he is
our staunchest DB drinker amongst a bunch of Lion Red connoisseurs, so
when you are at the Thursday post training drinking session, and you
don't pick up the fact that your "DB" is a well disguised Lion Red with
a DB sticker all night, you do deserve the auspicious DOD, well done BJ
(who was also awarded opposition POD)
Footnote to DOD:
Hi Rodge
Another great read for the match report but being a
stickler for detail the description regarding DOD is slightly incorrect. Here's
the real story, there was a surplus of DB quarts as Clarkey was buying up big
time a I was trying to help Choppa out with the 6 Jim beams that arrived just as
he was planning to leave. So Nau Nau being the clever nut that he is started
filling up the pints of Carbi & Soolie & anyone else with a half full
pint glass with the fine product from DB , seeing that Nau Nau was taking
a massive risk if caught I quietly remove the DB lable & replaced it with a
lion red lable & so the slight of hand was complete.
Unfortunately in the telling of the story & the
fact that too many lion red drinkers were involved in the prize giving, we were
also fooled by a cunning trick that the real story was replaced with a new version
that makes the dumb arses that couldn't tell the difference between brands look
better than they are (they also happen to be members of that Nazi organization
called the lion red quarts club)
So now you have the true facts I look forward
reading your amended DOD report
Regards BJ
Player of the Day - Hey hey, it was meeee!!
17 April vs Helensville Bulls Home - Win 31-7
The Hellensville boys turned up with a depleted team, but they were
determined to compete, so a few of our boys pulled on their red and
gold to make up the numbers. The Premiers had been
relegated to the No.1 Field so that we could play on the much
superior No.2 Field, with the rain no longer threatening and the
numbers sorted out (we had fifteen plus on the sideline, great comeback
from last weeks numbers) game on.
As expected the first fifteen was tough and uncomprimising, with
the forwards smashing into each other, and the backs providing great
defence. It was good to see an ex All Black and Maori player strutting
out amongst the presidents in the form of Rhys Duggan in the
Hellenville team, he certainly kept our loosies honest and directed his
outsides down the correct channels. Our very own Tatts was back,
and he would be an All Blacks arsehole, his first action in the match
was a high tackle penalty to the opposition, typical!!
Helensville were to score first through some good driving play
for our loan player Ben to score after scrambling upfield from about
twenty out. Some final passes forward meant Sumo and
our new, very large winger Molo missed out on some tries, but Jamie
broke the drought by waltzing through a large gap about fifteen out
after a penalty/scrum was played out by the forwards. Hoon was next, quick hands
got it to him in the centres (after scoring here, sure he'll be back in
a fortnight with some venison steaks for the boys, as he's off hunting
next weekend). Final try came to Chopper after some battling
upfield by the forwards to within five of the line, Chopper got the
ball from about ten out and bumped his way to the tryline through the
defence to score by the post. With Nige slotting the conversions
we were up 17-7, unfortunately Hellensville had lost one of their
members with a badly torn calf, stiches and TLC from the ambos required.
The second half we were able to dominate, but again
it took some time to get going. Believe our next try was to big
Mike, who rumbled through a couple of tackles about fifteen out,
decided that felt good, so did his typical head down arse up stance (no
chance of a pass now fellas) to power through the next couple of
defenders to skip across the line and score under the post. Given
the chance to convert his own try, he blew it! Next came from
some driving play with Carby peeling off wide outside of the ruck with
forty to go, broke through a couple of tackles and decided he had the
skills of an inside back by peeling of a chip kick, an obvious mistake
on his part, but fortunately through the skills and speed of Eddy, his
mistake was mitigated through a great try to our newbie. Our last
came from some great buildup from most of the team, making our way
upfield from about fifty out with many hands involved, the final pass
being an alleyoop
to score close to the posts to Jezz doubling around (now know
Jezz is not a newbie re last weeks game, but has played for the Maulers
back in 2005). Game over and only a few injuries for some of the
boys to worry about next week
Dick of the Day
- Who buggered up the practice field with his big boys toy,
none other than Carbs, hopefully it will be back into play next week
Player of the Day - Mike, who lumbered his big frame about the field all day.
24 April vs Takapuna Turtles Away - Win 24-7
Showers overnight and early in the morning was going to take the sting
out of the field, the Onewa grounds had a good carpet of green grass
underfoot and the sun had made an appearance. We had another good
turnout with another team standing on the sideline, so subbing was the
order of the day.
The Turtles came out firing with the wind at their backs, their
centre was keeping the seconds honest by cutting back and their
forwards were pouring in to ruck, maul and scrum to force a try early
with the conversion. It took a little while but we eventually
came back from a scrum about 25 out, left of centre. ball went quickly
out to Jezz at centre who fended off a few to end up on the ground
about ten out. The forwards ripped into the maul/ruck to pound up
to the line and Billy released the ball to Sooley about ten out from
the line pretending to be a first five who smashed his way over the
line. We were to spend the rest of the half (and most of the
next) camped in the Turtles half with our defence dropping Turtles left
right and centre, but still went into the break a conversion down.
The call for the second half was simple from the
captain, plant it with the wind down in the left hand corner, problem
was the kicks we put into the corners seemed to make their way out on
the full!! Despite that, we forced our way down into the
opposition 20, from scrum the ball went directly to Jase at first who
ran around the second to score, a little soft but into the lead we
went. The next was another rampage from the captain Stu who
detached off the back of the scrum about fifteen out and ran straight
at the first five to roll him over and crash down right beside the
posts. Final try came after a kick out from the Turtles, I was
able to do a quick lineout to someone who was ready to receive the ball
(unlike last week eh Moose). Eddy was calling for it from about
forty out, he ran onto the pass to power up to about twenty out, I was
supporting but he didn't see me before he was pulled down, but Jezz was
following up right
behind to receive the ball, he broke the first and with my enormous
weight providing extra momentum we crashed over the line with the
opposition hanging on desperately into the corner (well thats how
I saw it). From here on the game became a bit disjointed with
duelling banjos playing in the background....Sumo was cheating but
getting caught, well to be fair everyone was cheating, only Sumo is
always going to be pinged, the refs all know him. Sooley did his
well known thalidomide tackle on the opposition that was caught
by the ref, he was so worried about possibly getting a card (and
automatic dick of the day) that when the opposition first five
(and our opposition POD) ran at him, he hesitated on the hit and was
planted firmly on his arse. Carbs tried another chip kick, second
week in a row, which ping ponged off everyone as he disguised it as an
ordinary grubber!! Next the old handbags came out amongst the forwards,
the boys on the sideline were no longer volunteering to go back out on
the field and the game peetered out to a good draw to ourselves.
Dick of the Day-
There were a few lined up for this, but due to a wardrobe
malfunction in the changing rooms, the number 10 goes on your back and
not sitting on top of your puku eh Duck!!
Player of the Day
- He was a thorn in the Turtles backside all day, a handy replacement
for our broken loosey Pagey and as commented by Billy " I only have to
do half the tackles in a game from last week" our and the opposition
POD was Ben.
01 May vs Silverdale Snails Home Win 24-5
Opening day of the annual duckshooting season, so we knew a few of our
boys would be missing, but it looked like the Silverdale boys were
harder hit with their numbers very low. At least there was a
chance of some bag limits with wind and rain early in the morning,
fortunately for us it was just a random shower before the game followed
by a little sun. The Snails borrowed a few of our boys, and Sumo
pulled on the ref jersey to start the game.
The Snails were to dominate the territory for most of the first
half, but some stout defence from the maulers kept them tryless.
We probably broke outside our half only a couple of times, but
one of them was a great raid by Jezz, who received a ball off a ruck at
about halfway. He fended the second then the centre off as he set sail
for the tryline. With both the centre and fullback getting back
to him, weight of numbers dropped him a few metres off the tryline.
As usual I was there to help clear out the ruck with
my massive weight advantage (yes guys this results page is always
about me!!) this allowed Jacko to pick and go to fall between the
opposition ankles to score on the line. Final act of the half was
a drive by the Snails to within a few metres of our line, the maul
collapsed with the opposition guy pinned on our side. Sumo was
very aware of this and the fact that the ball wasn't released, but
Nappies wanted to ensure that he "really knew" by impersonating
"Pinetree" Meads from the 60's. Our metrosexual hooker cum
ref was not impressed, and gave Nappies ten minutes, but still gave us
the penalty...obviously remembers the frustration of a frontrow forward
and gave us benefit of doubt!!
Five up at halftime and the wind in our favour, even
Shrek, our captain of the day, could work out that kicking to the
corners would be the best option for the first fives. With that we were
to dominate the second half. Despite some scrappy play, which was
a feature of most of the game, we continued to score. Some
driving play by big Moses allowed us to set up a ruck five out
from the line. Tony picked the ball off the back and trampled
Tassie (playing for the opposition) into the ground on his way to
scoring over another opposition player. The try took a long time
coming as Sumo deliberated on whether the ball was dropped on the line
after the opposition player made a late bid for the trysaver..but he
was only stirring Tony up, as usual! Next try came from a
ruck about fifteen out, quick hands to Jezz had him cutting back and
scoring a typical try, very reminiscent of Steve "the bus" Campbell,
right through the opposition tackles to score under the bars. Our
final try of the day went to Cameltoe who received the ball from
Ace wide out, stepped inside his marker to score in the corner.
Another try was scored by one of the boys, but it was to be to
Tass playing for the opposition. He showed enough initiative and
speed to work out that the ball that had just shot out the back of our
scrum was his to pick up and score from, and duly did so.
Dick of the Day-
You would be excused to think that Tass got the award for scoring
against us, but no. Two hours and nine minutes to run a marathon
would be world beating, assembling a wheelbarrow from the Warewhare in
the same timeframe is DIY sad, way to go Tassie!!
Player of the Day-
It's not often you see this man out in open play thundering down the
field, especially with those crooked k nees of his, but Mac was
able to pound his way about the field to score the POD today.
08 May vs Marist Chinese Away Win 45-22
A dull cloudy day didn't stop the boys turning up in huuuuuge numbers,
more than thirty in the end with a few boys in island time turning up
just after the team was called, and our restricted members making the
effort to arrive at halftime after playing a game earlier. The Chinese
Marist (new nickname, yellowbellies) were a little short on
numbers, but as the bluebellies had a bye, they helped make up the
numbers for them.
Our first try went to Stu, believe it came off the back of
their scrum about ten out from the tryline. Their No.8 got
isolated and our boys stole the ball into Stu's fat mitts, he pounded
his way through a couple of defenders to score close in to the posts.
Next was to our happy hooker impersonating a wing, ie seagulling
out wide, overlap and quick hands had Sumo open and able to score in
the corner and Billy slotted the conversion from the sideline.
One more try was to be scored before the half finished, and it
went to one of our "duracell battery" locks. A bust up the centre
from thirty out by Jason, had him crashing to the ground about fifteen
out, first to the ball was Clarky, and he wasn't going to let anyone
stop him as he bashed his way through the traffic to the tryline.
Second half had Moses scoring, despite being open
out wide and no one to beat, I may as well whistled dixie when Moses
has the ball with five to the tryline, of course he would ignore
everything and pound his way to the line. The second half had the
opposition opening us up, and scoring as often as we did. Usually
it involved a bust in the middle followed by their fleetfooted wingers
outrunning our defence. A kickoff from one of their tries led to
one of our quickest, as the first one to the ball was one of our
forwards, Jamie was following up and smashed through the defence to be
pulled down about fifteen out, but Choppa, playing on the side of the
scrum was first up in support to take the pass and score. Jason
scored next from some good driving play by the forwards that led to
enough space for him to stroll across for a try. The final try
came again from some good driving play that stopped about 20 out, Billy
passed to Duck who then threw a pearler of a pass to miss the second
and centre. This ball went to our winger Ace who almost made up
for the failings of his fellow winger Camel who had a bad dose of the
dropsies all afternoon, he pulled the ball in and flicked it out to
myself out wide to allow an easy stroll to the line untouched from
fifteen out.
Dick of the Day-
The Kaumatua's (or prima donnas for those who haven't attained
that status) of the team have an entitlement to a few quarts of beer
post match (as opposed to us lesser mortals lion red tinny), but if
you're in charge of maintaining said post game drinks and they arrive
with out the cooling effects of a little ice, then you thouroughly
deserve to be awarded DOD, way to go Puss!
Player of the Day-
Fifty games in, and one outstanding athlete on the field (except when
playing fullback), Tony "Yeah Mon" Andrews made the POD today.
15 May vs KKK Kowboys Home Win 26-22
The day started fine then at midday thunder, lightning and heavy rain
poured in to put in a few doubts as to whether the game for the mighty
shield would be moved to the Massey Club bar instead. But as
usual, the fickle Auckland weather cleared the skies in time for
kickoff, and the supporters club could lay the chairs out and enjoy
their vino's in the Autumn sun.
First try came after we had driven to
the line. With all of a metre to go, Stu was able to bend
over his shitlocker and place the ball delicately across the line
without having to crash through a few opposition or break out in a
sweat. Our next was a Sooley special, ball had made its way to a
breakdown on the KKK 20m, we snaffled the ball which was swung out to
Sooley at second. He set sail throwing opposition off left and
right as he ran diagonally across the park to eventually be
pulled down over the line ten out from the sideline. Our last try
of the half came from a 22 dropout from the KKK. The ball dropped
into Billy's hands at the halfway mark, with the opposition rushing up
in a line, he passed to Nige who timed his pass perfectly to myself
doubling around. With a big gap to trundle through I made my way
past the opposition down the sideline, with only one man left
defending. Fortunately Chopper had made the effort down the
middle of the park to be on the inside, last pass to him had him
running in unopposed from about 15 out. Final try of the half
went to one of the fast and big backs of the KKK, a break in midfield
had the KKK man bearing down on Lardro at fullback, unfortunately this
man had some serious toe and a good swerve, so Lardro copped the usual
abuse from the sideline for a missed tackle! But as all fullbacks
know, there is fourteen other chances to stop a try, we are the poor
bastards that standout when the final tackle has to be made, eh (violins playing in the background). This try was a fore runner to the mayhem in the second half.
Despite being up starting the second, we knew the
KKK would be keen to take that shield back off us. They were to
score three tries in the second half, all through backline defensive
mistakes by ourselves. Will have to improve the backline
communications for next week, as we didn't seem to work out whether we
were man on man or drifting. Fortunately for us we were able to retain
the shield through a defensive stop by Hoon on the opposition player
who was about to place the ball over our tryline, he dropped it and
a try to Chopper to masintain our slim lead. This came from
pressure on their line, with a ruck five out the ball was passed to our
first five who popped the ball close on his left to a fast moving
Chopper cutting back with great timing to run unopposed across the
line. Game over, but a very tight 4 all draw with only our
conversions making the difference.
Dick of the Day-
Not quite sure how this was awarded, but Tatts had a bloody great
story to tell! But believe Sooley was awarded the DOD to inspire
him with his lovelife, but I have a feeling this award hanging around
your neck would have most chicks running for cover!!
Player of the Day- Who else could it be but Chopper, who is starting to really relish his move from centres to blindside flanker.
22 May vs Navy Water Rats Away Win 45-10
Torrential rain on the Thursday and Friday turned to sunny skies on the
Saturday. The mighty XJ900 steed was dusted off to wend its way
through that terrible traffic chaos on the Devenport trail
to Ngataringa. The kikuyu fields at Navy were looking good for
running rugby, and that was certainly the case for today.
First try went to our blindside Chopper who reverted to his
backline role standing off our first five Nige who ran at the line all
day. He popped the ball to Chopper who burst through a couple of
defenders swerved around the final defence to score under the posts
from about 20 out. Next try came from the back of a ruck 15 out,
ball went to Nige who ran to the defence and popped the ball back to
Billy in the tackle. Billy then crabbed crossfield and with three
defenders converging was able to pop the ball across to Jez unmarked
who strolled to the line. Our last try of the half came from a
sweeping backline move down the right which was stopped 15 out.
The ball came back quickly and with most of the backs drawn into
the ruck and the slow popo's still crossing the field, they formed
themselves into some semblance of a backline. Mike received the ball at
second who unstuck his velcro fingers and quick handed it onto
the Moses. The poor Navy boys watched this man mountain
lift his knees and set sail for the tryline from 20 out, a big
handoff (using his pinky apparently) on the attempted tackle had him
scoring close in. Last try of the half went to the Navy winger, a
chip through ended with a wicked bounce that sailed back over
Molo's head to the winger out wide. We were to suffer a few
of these wicked bounces today, eh Ace!!
Carby was first up in the second, busting through
tacklers from 20 out he ran and ran all the way to the line leaving all
in his wake. Jez then scored his brace using the same method as
Carbs after a bounce pass (we had many of these today) was picked
up. He crashed through, stumbled but maintained his feet to
continue on under the posts. Hoons try came from a penalty on the 22,
the ball was quickhanded to Hoon wide out left. He carried out a
Ngapuhi sidestep on his opposite that had him lying flat out on the
ground with Hoon carrying on to the line. Last try was to Greg
who popped up outside Nige at second from thirty out, through the line
with afterburners on he swerved around the final man to score his first
try for the Maulers under the posts. The game was full of running
so it was good to head off for the showers and some cheap drinks at the
Navy bar - looking at the trays of bourbon that Becks was delivering to
the boys, it could be a long evening.
Dick of the Day-
To Hoon who left the party without telling a soul, leaving the searchparty in the lurch for many drinking hours!
Player of the Day- Sooley, from DOD to POD, for his gut busting runs and huge defence.
29 May vs Marist Blue Bellies Home Win 26-12
Showers all around town, but none at no.5 field to start what would be
a long day in the sun. With Ace and Carbs playing their one
hundred games, BJ with his 150th and the evergreen Moses celebrating
his 21st birthday, the aftermatch was going to be more gruelling than
the game.
The game itself, despite Sooleys aftermatch speech,
was a bit of a dog. Sooley was happy because he scored one of the
tries, along with Shrek who was at his rampaging best all around the
field (elbows, knees, head, ears and fat puku flailing all around
the place). But our control of the pill wasn't always the best,
and Jacko knows it, as he was presented a birthday present from Moses
in front with no one to beat. The fact that Moses is a front row
forward that has never been seen to share the ball was no excuse in
dropping it!! The Bluebellies were close, having scored in the
first half from their very large Fijian lock, off a penalty in
front ten out. We won the second half from a typical Jess barging
try up the middle through three tackles and a Tony Davies intercept off
a bounce pass that didn't make it to the opposition first five.
Tony snaffled it first, and had to run fifty, pulling his hammy
on the way to score. The Bluebellies pulled back another one through
some great play by the opposition second five POD as selected by
us, who chipped and gathered then scored in the tackle in the corner.
But of course the 4 all draw was not the reason we
enjoy the game, and get fifty odd players plus our awesome supporters
standing around the field...it's the aftermatch that is important.
We had the no.1 changing sheds, and she was chokka with bodies
and beer. As usual the bullshit was flowing along with the amber
fluid, thank god (and Moses) we invited the Bluebellies in to share the
two(?) hundred plus cans that needed to be emptied....along with the
nappy bucket of Kava, the Mt Gay rum and ever present Bourbon.
The Fijians from the opposition and our Polynesian imports were
ensuring the palangis were going to be hammered (glad I dodged it,
otherwise I wouldn't be writing this) and we did eventually make it to
the afterspeeches and kai (which suspiciously looked to include
some food from the previous days luncheon at the club). Any ways,
she was another good day to be us!!
Dick of the Day-
Not to many stepped up for the award, but Mikey made the mistake
of thinking he was playing Taka, and receives the award for being so
ignorant to confuse Marist with Takapuna!
Player of the Day- To our two centurions, Ace and Carbs (Carbs won the scull.... just)!
12 June vs Northcote Nobras Away Win 7-0
Hori warned us in his email to the boys to watch out for cancellations
today, but as usual the fickle Auckland weather oscillated
between a little sun, a little rain and a lot of cool wind. For
our game the rain stayed away, but the field was a little soft
underfoot after a game played previous to us. Stu wound the
boys up in the changing rooms, reminding us of our history of great
battles with the Nobras, and that we needed to do it for Carbs who was
keen to play but was lying up in the North Shore hospital after a dose
of Ngapuhi bugs got into his bloodstream from the game last week in
Kerikeri. So off to battle we went....
The game as usual was a toughy, with most of the
first half stuck battling in the centre of the field. The
breakthru came from a lineout steal off Nobra ball by Ben at the 25m
mark. Billy received and quickly passed to Nige, who threw a flat
pass past BJ to Jess running in the centres. Jess did his usual
bust between players to hold and flip the ball onto BJ doubling round.
Now it was time for BJ to convert his potential energy into
mindblowing kinetic energy, this as usual takes more than a few strides
to get into gear, and with twenty to run he was already starting to
feel oxygen deprivation coming on at the ten metre mark. By now
his eyeballs were on a swivel as he looked for possible passing
options, only problem was it was just him and three converging Nobras
in view. Fortunately his kinetic energy was now at its maximum,
and he was able to blast, sorry flop over the line with opposition in
tow. The conversion was taken, but with the wind in our favour we
weren't able to increase our lead in the first half.
The second half was much like the first with a
stalemate as the teams defended stoutly, and the handling letting both
teams
down when close to the line. We had chances, they had chances but
the game finished with the Nobras hard on attack, a knockon on the line
released the ball to Thayne, who as an ex leaguey, showed us his great
kicking skills. A panicky, aiming for the sideline, five metre
grubber off the side of his boot straight at our winger standing one
metre from the line. Thank god Sumo was still playing
advantage!! Game over, cold showers, warm beers, great Barby and
the aftermatch BS from Franky and Sooley.
Dick of the Day-
To the Buzzard, who admitted that he could have been playing
except for his procrastination over seeing a physio for an injury
received at the Aspen tournament nine months ago delayed him... seeing
one nine months ago could have helped, not last week!!
Player of the Day-
Ben who was in smashing form, knocking the opposition over left
and right, much to their dispair and to our delight. Received
their accolade as well winning the opposition POD!
19 June vs Kumeu Home Default
Time to rest those weary bones.....
26 June vs ECB C-Niles Black Home Loss 17-35
The local council had closed Windsor Park for the C-niles home game so we all toddled off to Freyberg down at Browns Bay for the game. Despite the other game between C-niles
Green and Takapuna being played earlier, the field was in great
condition for running rugby, no wind and no rain would make for a good
contest.
We played a good first half, the forwards were
dominating and the ball was moving through the backline smoothly.
Our first try came from some pressure on the C-niles, the centre
tried to relieve pressure with a kick from his 22m but Jess charged it
down. The ball fell at the oppositions feet but the fly hack sent
the ball sideways to Jess who was recovering from the charge down.
He managed to control the ball to offload to Nige running around,
who had to scamper about fifteen to the corner flag to score.
Next was from some concerted drives at the line by our fired up
forwards out on the left flank. The final pickup from the ruck
was by Clarky who forced his way through a couple of defenders to flop
over the line. Our final try came from a backline sweep that
ended about fifteen out, and just like the game against Navy, the two
slow popo's, Mike and Moses (bit harsh, Moses ain't that slow....but
Mike is!!) did their party trick out in the centres with Moses crashing
through the centres to score. We had dominated the half. We
were feeling good, possibly too good and the final nail in our coffin
was the halftime speech from Stu. When he dropped the word
"structure" into the mix and you spot Moses, Clarky, Moose and
Sumo all nodding their heads in unison, meaning they
haven't a clue what he's talking about you know the second spell could
be trouble. Hey, the usual "keep it tight" would have had more
success, thats when us backs see that sly smile on the front row
hippos...they truly understand that call to action!!
The second half as you may have guessed was in
complete contrast to the first. When their second try came the
C-niles tails were well and truly up. Their blindside flanker out
ran myself and others to a ball hacked from our grasp to score.
The centres ran through a couple of powder puff tackles to score
two tries, and a couple of dubious decisions possibly led to tries
being scored that were not entirely endorsed by ourselves...but despite
all that, the C-niles did turn it on in the second half just like we
did in the first and came out victors
Dick of the Day-
When you're entrusted with securing the quarts for the
postgame changing rooms, and they don't appear at said changing rooms,
and then you're the only one drinking them in the showers cause
everyone else has showered, changed and left, then Lardro, you truly
deserve dick of the day!!
Player of the Day-
The only player who can quite justly claim that he wasn't
involved in the demise of the team in the second half as he only played
a very good first half, our POD goes to Cameltoe playing the unfamiliar
role of halfback.
03 July vs Takapuna Guerillas Home Win 27-0
Today the sun gods were smiling, the mighty Yammy was rolled out to
make it's "dry day out" only ride to the game and the number
three field was in surprisingly good nick for our game (and the setting
up of the wine and cheese picnic table for our beautiful supporters).
The game started strongly for the Guerillas who just
missed out on a try in the corner in the first five minutes, but their
domination in the early exchanges were slowly eroded throughout the
game as our team had carried out some study over the week on what
"structure" really means (and Stu wasn't around to confuse those tight
forwards again)! Our first try was a typical Clarky crash through
the opposition from only five out, receiving the ball from the base of
the ruck, once his velcro hands wrapped around it there was only one
way it was going to finish. Our second try went to Nige at the
22m, who carried out his favourite party trick of dummying to the
second, the centre, the opposition fullback, the blackbird flying in
the sky...hell, they all fell for it, and strolled across the line to
score. First half over and the "S" word was now well and truly
banished from the halftime talk.
The second half was as fast and hardfought as
the first with the next try scored from some great pick and goes by the
forward pack right to the line with Ben "Scud" Lee smashing across with
two metres to go. He had his usual outstanding game smashing opposition
players and nearly pulling off a solo run down the sideline throwing in
a chip and gather on the way - receiving yet another opposition player
of the day. Next try started at our halfway line when I received
a Guerillas clearance kick on my knees, with only time to stand up and
dodge the oncoming traffic, I managed to run through the opposition to
the twenty where their very large fijian centre was looking forward to
meeting me. I managed to dodge the smash to offload to one of the
boys. By the time I picked my self off the ground the ball had
passed its way along the backline for Lardro to receive from about
twenty out to scamper over the tryline in the corner. Our final
came off the back of a scrum midfield thirty out. Sooley broke
off the back of the scrum, batted off the half and blindside then set
sail for the line leaving everyone else in his wide wake, game over,
beers in the shed!!
Dick of the Day
- Many names in the hat for this one, but when you go into a game with
the opposition socks on (although its a bloody good ploy if you don't
wanna be trampled by the opposition 'cept accidental trampling by our
boys would be worse punishment) you receive the shame of the dick, way
to go Ben!!
Player of the Day -
Our big bus in the centres, Jess
10 July vs ECB C-Niles Green Away Win 31-22
Win
to us, Baxta and cohorts to provide commentary as I can't be arsed (and
am still recovering from that awesome All Black win over the yarpies)!!
For the record, as the buggers above can't be bothered, five wonderful
tries were scored, two to Nige and BJ with big Mike rounding it out
with a pearler.....
Dick of the Day-
Greg Snedden, for partying hard all Friday night and not sleeping before
the game, and didn't we notice, his catching was shit (mind you, he did
get a leave pass from Jen, that's a big ups from me)!!
Player of the Day - Our very own ten pin bowling ball on the outsides, Anvil, who knocked a few over out on the wing today.
17 July vs Glenfield Grizzlies Home Win 10-0
Big day at Moire Park, most teams playing including the Premiers, so
off to no.5 field we went. Rain was falling, hard enough for a
couple of our under 85kg boys to hide in their car in the carpark, (eh
Chappy/Greg) but the hardier members of the team prepared themselves
for a revenge match on a wet and greasy field.
It was going to be a day for the forwards, and
weren't both sets enjoying it!! Handbags were flying, chests were
thumped but Malaki, the ref,managed to keep a lid on it.. Our
first try came from a scrum about fifteen out, Stu picked up from the
back and flipped it on to Nige cutting back. Nige managed to step
inside the inside back and flanker to find space behind the scrum,
Tatts was on his inside and received the ball to be pulled down within
inches of the line. Then along came a monstrous shadow, that
blotted out the sun. Mighty Moses was not to be denied, as he was
handed the ball on a platter from a struggling Tattoo. Our next
came from a lineout close to the tryline. Some good driving play
from the forwards and a few pick and go's resulted in Stu emerging from
the bottom of the ruck with another forward try.
The second half was to be a battle for supremacy
amongst the forwards, and somehow we were able to keep our discipline
as the Grizzlies became more desperate to get back into the game.
Jeez, even Rob Chisholm was keeping his feet to himself and
dodging the refs ire...apparently this was due to some prematch anger
relief ("thanks Sheryl for taking one for the boys " quote
from Moose). Despite pressure for extended periods on our line,
we managed to keep the opposition out and finish the second half with
our line still intact. Time to warm up in the changing sheds.
Dick of the Day-
Stu, el presidento of the massey club, buys a round and finds his
eftpos card denied - lucky Carbs was around to clear up the $51 debt!!
Player of the Day - Nige, who waltzed around the field despite the greasy ball.
31 July vs Helensville Bulls Away Loss-6 or 7 tries to our 4?
Not a bad day for a game of rugby, a little sun and a light breeze.
The field was soft but footing not too bad, we had numbers and
the bulls were short. With a good smattering of supporters, sure to be
a successful day... until the Bulls laid a great big cowpat on
that thought!!
The game was damn quick for a soft field, and the
Bulls had a backline that didn't want to kick and a forward pack that
wasn't going to quit. Lets just say that we got a goring, that
was set up by their flying centres who cut us apart in the middle.
The tries we did score came from a scrum about fifteen out, the
ball was spun to Jase cutting back on Nige at first. He stepped
his way to about ten out to have Choppa supporting on his inside.
Pop to him and over in a pile of bodies to score. My memory
today wasn't too hot, but the other tries were a piledrive by Moses
through the opposition from about five out, another Choppa special from
receiving the ball at about first five off the ruck, he stepped and
drove through the Bulls to score from about ten out. Think there
was another to us, but buggered if I can remember who...
While we were scoring some tries, and maintained a
lead for some time, the Bulls turned it on with their Glenora leaguies
in the centres. They demolished our backline defence and made the
fullback position a very lonely spot when they came bullrushing towards
you (the fend by their centre on myself shall remain forever ingrained
in my mind during this game,. I think I laid a pinky on his shoelace,
that'll stop him).. Well at least we still could crack a joke in
the changing room and rib the ballerina to be on his fine playing form
(Buzzard, admit it you're pissing in the wind mate, that tutu is gonna
look good on ya)! The following video sums up our day at the
Hellensville Bullring (my son is in there wacking ignorant aussie
tourists over the head with his rolled up newspaper..don't hold onto
the horns...Thayne should be able to work that one out after giving
Stan Phillips a bonedome rub), see here.
Dick of the Day- Dunno....bloody alzheimers, but I do remember the AB's smashing the Aussies later on this night!!
Player of the Day - Choppa, he is loving that blindside and we'll never see him back in the backs.
07 August vs Takapuna Turtles Home Draw 14-14
Last game in the round robin and we are playing at home. It's the
first game where drizzly rain is a constant throughout the game, so the
backs are going to suffer from ball deprivation as the velcro hands of
the forwards "keep it tight". With a 1:30 start, we played the curtain
raiser to the under 19 plate final, so got a game on the no.1 field..
Despite the backs not expecting too much ball, our
first try came from some great hands out back. With a ruck about
fifteen out from the turtle line the ball quickly went out to
Jamie Tawhai who ran and ran and ran to be stopped about 2m out
from the line, despite thinking he could have scored, he managed to
twist and release the ball to a flying Nige doubling around to score
close to the corner flag. Llardo stepped up and drop
kicked the conversion. The turtles then scored not too long
after with a neat little chip kick on our 22 by our opposition POD at
first five. He picked up the perfect bounce ten out to stroll
across under the post. The first half finished tied 7 all.
We were to score first in the second half. A
penalty 20 out from the opposition line had Duck calling for the quick
tap. He received the ball and popped it onto our tongan man
mountain Moses who, when at top speed, terrifies the bejeesus out of
his fellow playeres let alone the opposition as he smashed his way to
the line. The next try went to the turtle wing who received the
ball about fifty out after we lost the ball in the tackle.
Sumo who had pulled on his ref jersey yet again, was the closest
to him as he crossed the line, and was the only one to tackle him!!
Sumo was at his technical best on the field, picking up an
offside that Dan Carter had got away with in the All Black test
the week before. Watched as Clarky got a "smashed him bro" that
lifted the big lug off the ground into the horizontal position and
smashed him back to the ground - great hit, but illegal as well.
Nau nau, whose grip on a bottle of red is unbreakable, may as
well had been given a bar of soap and sent to the showers as each of
his carries resulted in the ball spilling out of his hands to the
opposition. And the move of the day, Carbs picking the ball from
the back of the scrum and running the blind, problem was we packed the
scrum on the five metre lineout line and by the time he got out side
his flankers all there was left in front of him was a white
sideline, a quick change of direction had him running up the arse of
his forwards, preventing the embarassment of stepping out of bounds
with no hands on him. The game finished early with the
forwards drawing out their handbags at dawn, off for a shower and
support to the Massey under 19's, who outplayed East Coast Bays by
heaps.
Dick of the Day -
Hori, who did the good managers job of putting names down on the
playing sheet pregame. This is used to pick the playing team and
reserves, but you don't put backs in the forward column and forwards in
the backs column without upsetting the captain and receiving the dick
for your troubles.
Player of the Day - BJ who was on hand for some good hitups at second five.
14 August Presidents Rally Day vs ECB Seniles Black Win 12-5
This years rally day was held on the Nobras playing fields, after
a night of torrential rain one loook at the playing surface
and the front row hippos eyes lit up as they dreamed of wallowing
in the mud. Of course, us backs could only cringe at the wonders
of a bunch of fatties rolling around in a mudpack, we knew
she was going to be a cold, lonely day as an outside back. This
was confirmed in the N0.1 changing sheds (thanks Nortcote, you must
have known we would turn up with two teams) as Stu called out the
forward FTB (fuck the backs) rallying call, then flirted
with danger by writing STRUCTURE up on the whiteboard....although this
ain't that scary cause most of the forward pack can't read and us backs
all know that structure is the shortened version of "keep it tight".
We , somehow (!?) were drawn against one of the
better teams in the grade, and the last team we needed to knock off to
complete a win against every team in the comp, so lets say the
motivation was high. This proved to be the case as we
fought hard on defence in the first half with the Seniles camped close
to our line. Some mighty scrummaging and lineout work kept
the seniles at bay, with the only breakout towards the end of the half
allowing us to score out wide. This came from a great drive by
Mike from ten out where he scored close to the pole, only the ref
didn't agree. After some scrambling play, and drive by Jez, Nige
ran a big blindside, drew the opposition to him and popped a grubber
out to Anvil wide on the wing for him to drop into his best choirboy
position as he scored on his knees across the line. Anvil, you've
got to improve on your diving technique, that knees across the line
position you take looks like a five year old at his first game!!
By now the forwards were well and truly fired up, Rob Chisholm
was assisting the ref by ensuring the fatties lying over the ball knew
they were in the wrong position, problem was the ref didn't always
agree with his methods. The ref was also upsetting the biggest
mouth in the team, Tatts, who threw a tantty (making a late bid for the
ballerina perhaps) and stormed off the field muttering "f@#*k this ref,
I'm off" before the first half had ended.
The halftime talk from Stu emphasised "the lets have
fun and don't get sent off"...despite this, both forward packs were
keen to test the ref out, and a few more handbags were to be thrown
before the end of the game. The Seniles were first to score in
the second, going over in the corner. Not able to kick the
conversion, the scores were tied at five all. We continued to
attack their line, a deft kick pass from Duck to Ace on the wing flying
into the corner was brought to a halt despite the advantage, probably
because the ref couldn't believe there was such skills in the
Presidents grade and called the penalty to us early. The pressure
from the boys eventually led to a try from some great pick and goes
that had Stu driven to the line by Hoon coming in close from the wing,
he tore the ball out of Stu's hands to flop over in a pile of
opposition bodies across the line close in. Duck stepped up and
slotted the goal. From here on with a very long second half, the
Seniles were to hammer at our line. The other teams had left the
next field ages ago, and the Marist boys were waiting along with the
Bulls to come onto our well churned field, but the ref didn't want the
game to end. Penalty after penalty was handed out, but the
Maulers weren't to be denied as finally the game came to an end with
Billy kicking the spilled ball out. Both teams ended up in the
No.1 changing room for presentations, beers, bourbon and a long night
ahead. Just a little observation forwards, but believe the call
was FTB, but we know who scored the tries don't we!!!! Ahhh, its
still "GOOD TO BE US"!!
Dick of the Day
- Becks, who sends us the filthiest emails he can find from the net,
but the one he sent this week was the meanest one ever...we could have
shown it to our daughters and not cringed, lovely flowers though!!
Player of the Day - Stu,
who had his hands full all game with defence and picking up off the
back, but his greatest feat was managing to keep all the forwards on
the field with his conversations with the ref!!
04 September vs Air New Zealand Jumbos Home Win 12-10
The sun shone, the no.1 was very green and the crowd filled the
bleachers as the old dogs and sons took on the evergreen Jumbos.
The shield was up for grabs and we weren't ready to give it up,
thats for sure.
The Jumbo's roared into the game going two tries up
before ten minutes had passed. Poor old Puss, first game since
the injury last year at Aspen decided to have a quiet run out on the
wing. His eyes must be losing focus, didn't he see the young
bucks opposite him, because they saw him...in their rear view
mirrors!!! But the old heads in the team assured the youngsters
that the steam will soon run out. By the end of the half we were
putting the pressure on them, and I was lucky enough to score down the
sideline from about twenty out. It was the classic blindside
89, Billy drawing the winger allowing myself to scamper past the
cover defence to the line. It was good to see guest player Junior
Tonu'u turnout for the Maulers, his first touch of the ball came from a
slack tapback from the lineout, a magic 20m backpass was the result
(and it didn't get intercepted Oots).
Still down by a try at halftime, the forwards took
the lead in the second half and bashed the crap out of the opposition.
It took a while but we eventually got the result we wanted as
Moses inevitably crashed over the line after a smash and grab, JT
stepped up to the mark and scored the conversion,. enough for us to
hang onto the shield, and to mark Becks 150 and Sumo's 200 gamews with
a victory.
Dick of the Day-
Carbs, decided to win the dick for Mels birthday, knowing they can keep
it for the rest of the year (well I can't remember the real
reason he won)!!
Player of the Day - Sumo who has stirred, stomped and splashed his way to 200 superlative games for the mighty maulers
2009 Results
04 April vs Helensville Bulls - Win
18 April vs Northcote Nobras - Draw
25 April vs Marist Blue Bellies - Win
02 May vs Takapuna Guerillas - Loss
09 May vs Glenfield Grizzlies - Loss
16 May vs Navy Water Rats - Win
23 May vs East Coast Bay C-Niles - Win
06 June vs KKK Kowboys - Win
13 June vs Silverdale Snails - Win
20 June vs Marist Chinese - Win
27 June vs Takapuna Turtles - Win
04 July vs Helensville Bulls - Win
11 July vs Northcote Nobras - Loss
18 July vs Marist Blue Bellies - Win
01 August vs Takapuna Guerillas - Win
08 August vs Glenfield Grizzlies - Loss
15 August vs KKK Kowboys Presidents Rally Day - Win
22 August vs Air New Zealand Jumbos
TBA August vs Massey High 1st XV
04 April vs Helensville Bulls Away - Win 36 -12
Awaiting match report from Carbs, and here it is!!!
First encounter
of the season bought us to the Bull Ring up north at Helensville. Conditions
hard and fast, grass a bit long, opposition looked as uncompromising as ever.
1st
and 2nd touch downs by Nigel, first through a number 8 break out
from the back of the scrum through the hands & try time, the second no one
remembers??? however what ever happened it stirred the Bulls into a resurgence
scoring next in a typical hellensville bash, right up the middle the way they
love it. We managed to
touch down again before the change of ends.
For some unusual
reason the games adjudicator came out for the second stint with a different
agenda, and managed to consistently interfere with what could have been a
reasonable game. Anyway…
Jacko moosed the
first try of the 2nd spell with the white line fever with no
opposition ahead and he was at our 22. Sumo moosed another
certain try…to add to the moose he had in the first half. Funnily enough the
Bulls gave him the opposition player of the day. Billy could have had
a sign on him sayin “run at the ginger” or is it that Bull’s just love running
at the red! Billy took it all in his stride dropping each perspective attack as
quickly as the trundled towards him. He dealt it out so well he got the player
of the day. Flipper scored
next from some broken play (or players???), The bulls came at as again and
again until the trough ran dry and we managed to rack a few points late in the
game. After some mid
field wrestling between the tighties, Anvil gathered the ball and streaked down
the side line just the way Hori had taught him, it was a picture. Jason used the
players outside him like cheap whore’s and slipped through the defence to score
handy to the sticks, Lladro managed to convert that. Duck scored the
other try some time between half time and the final whistle, it was a cracker
after a determined team effort moving from one end of the field to the other and
transversing from each side line in wave after wave of incisive attack.
Supporter of the
day, Tracy Felton. Quiet girl but good fun.
Captain Puss got
the DOD for leaving the quartz behind, stop it.
Opposition player
of the day was the Bulls mighty open sider come hooker Richard.
18 April vs Northcote Nobras Home - Draw 7 all
With the Premiers and almost every other team playing at Moire
Park, she was going to be a big day, especially as the Presidents had
the match of the day with the No Bras in attendance. We tried to
put them off their game right from the begining by placing them in the
only changing rooms left, the mower room, mind you they didn't have far
to get to the playing field as it was out the back of the park on
Number 4.
The first half was a good indication of how the two teams were to fare
with uncompromising defence chopping every attack down before the line.
The No Bras hammered our tryline for fifteen minutes to come up
with nothing, then we hammered their line for the next fifteen and
scored nought as well. With the ref's whistle constantly blowing
as both teams tried to sort out the rules of the game this week (same
as last week, but alzheimers doesnt account for that) we started the
second half zip all.
Again it was hard for either team to make their mark in the second
half, taking the game into the last quarter before there was a
breakthrough. A cheeky little chip kick from Craisey in the
Nobras quarter, which we all knew would come at some stage of the game,
for the loosie to pick up behind the game line (yes he was offside, but
we don't always get it right in the middle of a tough game, even the
ref). With three opposition running at him Lardro had no chance
with an inside pass to Rikki to score under the posts. Despite
that wake up call, the Nobras again came bloody close to scoring again,
with the ball spread wide along the backline to overlap our guys on the
outside despite a huge hit by Neil in midfield, the final pass was
forward. From then on we were on attack, just a few observations
from that period for next week, Puss, kicking is not your
forte......Ooots, look before you send the next back pass from
halfback, the opposition player receiving said pass in his guts means
he was too close and Tony, if you're gonna do a
Harlem Globetrotter floater, make sure the opposition ain't gonna
hit you before you receive the ball back. With
little time on the clock (if we had one), a penalty for coming
into the side of the ruck allowed Duck to kick into the opposition 22.
The lineout 15 out was another shambles, but fortunately Tony
latched onto the ball to burst upfield and score under the posts to
allow a well deserved draw be the final outcome for the game.
Dick of the
day -
From player of the day last week to DOD this week, it doesn't take long
to make your mark in the team, but Billy"the kid" Meehan, when you've
put the jersey on before the team is announced you're sure to get the
"big dick" for being so cocky (mind you, receiving the award from our
beautiful supporters is a bonus, and without a slap Billy!).
Player of the day
- Mark "Puss" Paige, from DOD last week to POD this week, his constant
harrassing of the opposition meant he was always in line for todays
major award.
25 April vs Marist Blue Bellies Away - Win 29 - 0
Off to the backfields of Greenhithe for todays game, with rain
threatening and a brisk easterly blowing, it was a good day to be
playing with the wind. Unfortunately the game is made up of two
halves, and we had to play into the breeze first.
The forwards took responsibility by keeping it
tight, and despite the wind we were able to make progress up the field.
A great break by Lardro was snuffed out 20m out when he couldn't
find his support inside, probably because Neil "Chopper" Felton
was so unuse to having a mouthguard in his gob he couldn't speak up due
to his gagging. This ended Lardro's time on the field as he
wreaked his knee yet again, but as he lay dying on the ground,
Jacko was stealing the boots from his feet as he had torn his
apart with his electrifying speed! First try was a passing move
to our wing Anvil who was sent to the sideline 5m out,
he managed to pass infield to myself, but having no chance
against five big bastards, ended at the bottom of the ruck, rose in
time to see the ref raise his arm for a try. Sumo would say that
he ran 30m, stepped five guys on the way to score, but even I know from
the bottom of the ruck that he flopped his gut across from a quick pass
3m out to score. The Marist boys couldn't keep us stuck in our
half as their kicks would go too far over the deadball, a scrum
midfield at the halfway saw the ball passed to the right along the
backline for Piripi to bust a tackle, head infield dragging the
defence too him and then offload 20 out to Flipper who had whiteline
fever and was never stopped to touchdown under the posts. Marist
came close to scoring towards the end of the half, but I managed to act
as anchor long enough for Jase to steal the ball out of the opposition
players hand as he reached across for the try.
The second half was probably a little untidy
compared to the first as the boys loosened up, but we managed to score
a few more. A chip kick by our guys 40m out saw the Marist
guy dropped 25m out from their line, with Camel trying to snaffle the
tackle ball and myself in attendance, the ball sat up on the
oppositions hip for myself to pluck it up and stroll (quickly) to the
line to score unopposed. A series of penalties to us allowed Nige
to scurry over the line from ten out after a quick tap and pass, then
from forty out another quick tap and pass to Nige, a dummy to no one
and step inside to set sail for the line and score his second. No
more tries for the second half but there was a great hit by the
opposition on our man mountain Moses, followed by a great ballet
pirouette finished off with a backspin on the ground by the
evergreen Dean Masters!! Good win to us and off to the mighty
Malthouse for a quiet ale....
Dick of the
day -
Sometimes you've got to wonder (well us backs do) whether forwards have
a brain cell amongst them, but Moses, when you are awarded for the same
thing as last weeks DOD, and you were there to witness it, then to us
backs.....
Player of the day-
Nige "Showpony" Clemas, with spectacular kicking clearances, sleight of
hand dummies and sidestepping speed, Nige was at his best today...but I
see a DOD in his future after that premature timing issue with the
compulsory winners scull!!
02 May vs Takapuna Guerillas Home - Loss 19 - 26
The rain started falling that night and was still falling before
kickoff, but playing on No.2 meant we were in for a running game
despite the wet field and ball, and with the rain coming to a halt,
game on!!
The Taka boys had come with just enough players, but
not enough front rowers to allow contested scrums, a bugbear for the
Maulers as we pride ourselves on the capabilities of our hippo's in the
art and skullduggery of srummaging play. With a backline that
Scraffy would say (again and again) wouldn't look out of place
with his sons team, uncontested scrums set them up for some chances to
attack. If memory serves me right, they scored first. Our
first was to the Taka opposition player of the day, Sumo, (he greased
them up throughout the game to get this) when he received a ball off a
ruck about ten out, a dummy to his unmarked teammate outside him (how
unusual, he's got velcro on those fingers and constant whiteline
fever), step inside and bust through two defenders to score. Taka
were to score two more times before halftime, one an intercept on their
25 metre mark with their fullback leaving most people in his wake bar
Billy who kept him honest by forcing him out wide. We attacked
their line towards the end of the first half to eventually force a try
after a penalty 5m out, quickly passed out to our backline with an
overlap, but the pass from Duck was so high that Camel at full
stretch (all five foot not many inches) meant the overlap closed down
quickly, so head down arse up, he burrowed under the two defenders to
score.
We knew we were in with a chance in the second half,
keep the ball tight, allow some pressure to build and we would be in.
The forwards were dominating, big bursts up the field by Stu and
Flipper, our young guns Doug and Scott hitting the opposition hard and
big Mike Hynd driving forward constantly meant we camped out on
their half for most of the second, but we couldn't quite break
them. Dino came damn close, losing the ball over the line, Carbs
was bundled over the sideline 2m out, but our equalising try came with
less than five to go, a quick ruck 15m out saw the ball passed to
Chopper at second, who was surprise surprise, chopping back against the
flow to bust through the second and first to stroll under the posts to
score. As they say in all the aftermatch comments, "the game is
eighty minutes long", and we were to fail at the last hurdle (did I say
we, I may have meant I ...@#!>>$!!). A miskick from our 30m
sailed out along the opposition backline, a chance for either Camel or
the opposition player to pick up, and of course it sat up perfectly for
the Taka player. This boy had speed to burn, but I was going to
show him the sideline, and he took it, lock, stock and smoking barrel,
all the way to the tryline without a hand being laid, and as Tony was
to remind me, I forgot to take a dive, he was sooooo quick!!
Damn....time for a comforting beer, bring on next week!!
Dick of the
day -
Well I predicted it last week, Nige clambered from POD to DOD
after his faux pas last week, but Mike did keep him honest after
leaving his gear behind from last week, then expecting it to be clean
for him today.
Player of the day- Mike, almost got the double banger, but well deserved POD for some driving play.
09 May vs Glenfield Grizzlies Away - Loss 5 - 17
The day started out wild, windy and cold. But more than a
few hardy souls turned up to Kaipatiki Park to participate in the
grand game, we had a full complement plus another team standing on the
sideline!! The Grizzlies looked to be as mean as grizzlies can be
so with the wind at our backs the game began.
They were to score the only two tries in the first
half where we muddled along at half speed. Their first was a
sideline rumble by their hooker from 35m out, with a big fend and
remarkable speed for a front rower in the prezzies grade he crashed
over after less than ten minutes of play. Their second came after
concerted effort from their forwards to barge over close to the posts.
At this stage of the game we were lucky to have numbers as
various maulers started to call it quits with injuries.
The second half had the sun shining on our backs but
didn't prevent us leaking another soft try. The grizzlies
organisation out wide wasn't allowing us many chances on attack but the
forwards organised themselves enough to start carrying out drives up
the centre, especially from Moses, who was relishing being a
prop. With Tassie getting good lifts in the lineouts we started
winning more ball, the cutbacks by Jason at second five allowed us to
put pressure on the grizzlies at last. We finally scored from a
penalty fifteen out (or 50 out according to Carbs), quick tap ball from
Billy to a fast moving Carbs had him crashing through and over the
opposition to score. That was to be it for the game as both teams
grounded it out till the end.
Dick of the
day -
Anvil, two minutes in the team and already drinking out of a Maulers
Centurion Mug, a big nono...but who gave it to him (Nige).
Player of the day- Moses attempted his "parting of the waters " party trick to claim the big prize.
16 May vs Navy Water Rats Home - Win 27 - 17
The sun came out for todays game, but enough rain had fallen to close
the number 3 and 4 field, so off to the backwaters of the number 5
field where most of the team had never played on before. Despite
that the track was in bloody good nick, it looked like a running game
was in hand.
We had another good turnout today, with another team
standing on the sideline, but we were going to need them. With
our halfbacks MIA, Duck had to pick up the ball from the back of the
fat bastards scrum. Unfortunately duck shooting season was on,
and he was the first of many casualties today. The Rats were in
running mode and were quick to score, two up before we knew it.
With Willie, the opposition POD trucking it up and bouncing a few
people off (especially myself on the first attempt at a tackle,
went high and relearnt my life in the Air Force as a flying object) and
the second five with No. 10 on his back stepping everyone in the team.
Despite that our first try came after a drive up to their 15m
line, Nige ran on the blind, dummied to a fast moving Piripi, to scoot
round the outside and score in the corner. The second came from
our rampaging forwards, Shrek was charging all over the park, Moses was
relishing the tight. Ten metres from the line it came to a
standstill, but Tony "the alien (navy term for opposition POD today)"
Andrews picked up and drove with a few Rats hanging on to score.
Despite the scrappy first half with too much dropped
ball, eh Sooley (and lots of others), we went into the second close
enough to be confident. Stu was now handling the halfback
position, and with that backpass that cleared his puku and made it to
the first five at speed, could be in for more next week. Our next
came from a series of drives with big Mike Hynds driving off the edge
of the ruck into the backs to score from five out. The next was a
backline pearler, scrum (?) at the 30m mark, big passing miss two from
Nige, Lardro had to pass wide to myself and Nige was spotted doubling
round both of us, delayed pop was perfect (yeah!@#@!) to Nige, Anvil
got the ball from Nige outside his man from 20 out, aimed for the
corner, and despite his head almost been torn off, dropped to score on
the line. The final was a good forward rampage, with Stu picking
up off the back of a ruck 50m out, ran 15m to a waiting Sumo standing
offside way upfield. He proceeded to pussyfoot it to the 22m
where the final man was waiting to tackle. Puss was rushing up to
his side, but after watching Sumo for the past five weeks not allowing
his velcro hands to release, I wasn't holding my breath to see a
change. But miracles do happen eh Moses, and the ball was passed
to Puss to score under the posts. The Water Rats had the last
say, but it was too late, a good draw to ourselves.
Dick of the
day -
Matty Oakes, he did the good deed by providing the best ice a quart
bottle of red can have for the quart club, salt ice.
Unfortunately the bourbon club has more members, and they weren't
too happy with the salt flavoured ice that ended up in their glasses
post match!
Player of the day
- Anvil enjoyed running her up today from the high kicks, passed ball
and the scramble from behind the ruck, so a good turnaround from last
weeks DOD.
23 May vs East Coast Bay C-Niles Away - Win 7 - 5
Down south it was snow and cancelled ferry crossings, but up on the
shore the sun was out with bugger all wind. Cool with firm
footing underneath, the field was set for a tough clash between the
boys from out west versus the northside rabble. As we hadn't had
a win against these guys for a while, let's say we were more than ready
for revenge.
We were the first to score early in the game, a
simple quick hands from the back of the scrum close to the right
hand side 15 out from ECB line. Chopper received the ball at
centre flat footed, but his opposite had rushed up and had to halt
before Chopper received the ball. Both were now facing each other
in a mexican standoff, but Chopper was quicker off the draw and
accelerated past his opposite on the outside to sprint to the line
unopposed. An important, as it turned out conversion by Lardro,
meant we were in the lead at seven to nil. From now on it was to
be a struggle by both teams to dominate. The forwards were up to
their normal tricks, with the odd high shot from the opposition going
in during the rucks to fire up Stu and Sooley. Then our evergreen
Matty Oakes decided he would like a swing at the biggest guy in the
opposition, fortunately he missed for both himself and the rest of the
team.
We went into the second half with the usual Mauler
call to "keep it tight". Our defence was working to perfection,
Billy, the opposition POD was dropping the big boys from the Seniles
left right and centre. The new boys today in their fist game for
the Maulers were enjoying the rough and tumble. Mac, who had
found his boots in the bottom of his long lost boot bag after many
years off the field, decided a return to the game at 52 was a good call
and Mike Jones found out that a quick one liner on the stage
doesn't compare to the delight of dropping an opposition centre to the
ground on the rugby field. A near try to us could have sealed the
game, a well conceived kickpass (yeah right, a miscue from Billy I
reckon) went flying out to Anvils wing, who was so surprised he was
going to be in line to catch it, ended up being handballed from one
hand to another to finally bounce off his shoulder to the ground with
no opposition in front. The Seniles continued to attack, and with
time almost up, the ball travelled along their backline with one of
their guys going over the line wide out. Puss was buried at the
bottom with his hands under the ball but the ref didn't see it that way
(probably couldn't see Puss at all as both Anvil and "the Shrek" were
piled on top of the opposition player and Puss at the time). A
missed conversion meant no cigars for the Seniles, but a very happy
changing shed for ourselves!
Dick of the
day -
Hori, who pulled his boots out to have a game today, but can't remember
the reason for the DOD. His form at the Friday night Kentucky
Derby suggests it might be related to that, he was in fine altzheimer
form, with many a heinekin spread around the clubrooms whenever he was
sidelined for any length of time!
Player of the day
- He smashed and crashed his way to a well deserved POD, Neil "Chopper" Felton.
06 June vs KKK Kowboys Home - Win 41 - 0
The Kaukapakapa Massey Rugby Challenge Shield was up for grabs in it's
30th year and with a chance for the Maulers to clinch it three years in
a row, the boys turned up in force, with 17 reserves on the sideline!
Playing on number three after another team had played before us,
the field was a little cut up but in pretty good knick, not too soft
and a little bit moist, just how we like it....
It was to be a fast and full blown runaround with
our first of seven tries arriving early in the piece with the forwards
releasing the ball from a ruck around the centre line, ball out to
Piripi in the centres to crash, quick release to Nige who carved
a hole into the defence with Lardro gliding into the gap to score our
first try under the sticks. Our second was a many hands try with
the ball travelling from forwards to backs and back again, the final
pass to a very pleased Tassie, first try in three years celebrated with
a big grin and an "I'm no.1" gesture to the lord above (lucky the
ground didn't open up and swallow him, the devils advocate that he is)!
Anvil was to score off a little Nige magic, who had subbed onto the
field way out of position, but fortunately in position to pick up a
punt from the KKK. He waltzed his way around the opposition across
field to pop the final pass in a tackle to Anvil who was cutting across
the grain to stroll in from 20m out. Carbs scored also, from a
lineout steal fifteen out from the line, a rumble up and over the line
finished with him emerging from the bottom of the ruck with the ball in
hand. Another try was scored but unsure who (breaking news: scored by Duck, still can't remember it!
(breaking, breaking news: wasn't altzheimers, just a lion red memory
block, Duck did his favourite move as described in the Marist game, a
little ballet pirouette that so cracked up all the KKK boys that they
all fell to the ground while he waltzed in for his try)), the first half ended
with us well in control. The halftime talk from acting captain
Lardro was straight to the point "Go out , enjoy youselves and
score more points", the forwards interpretation of this was "Keep it
tight"...... f#@king typical!!!
Without the wind on our side, the big sweeping kicks
that Jason gobbled up ground in the first half disappeared and we had
to grind ourselves out from our half. The forwards were relishing
their work, and KKK (especially their number 8) were scrapping all the
way. Our first try came from a scrum move 15m out, Nige ran from
onside to the blind, with myself chipping in to provide the overlap to
Jacko to score out wide. Next was from ball lost by KKK around
the halfway mark that if memory serves me right, Chopper dribbled and
crashed upfield to about ten out, with the KKK defence shattered out
wide as they were sucked into the ruck, we ended up with a three man
overlap out wide that allowed Ace to stroll across untouched. The
KKK continued to hammer at our line, but our forwards were up to
defending the line and we ensured they weren't to score. The game
finished with us sweeping all the way up the field from our 30m, talk
was that it went through 21 phases, glorious forward charges, silky
slight of hand passes by our backs to finally be muffed at the corner
flag by myself due to a shocking, floating forward pass by Piripi that Kobe Bryant would have found hard to pull in ( and
that is the truth your honour, the whole truth and nothing but the
truth so help me......)
Dick of the
day -
Darren Turnwald for some reason that anyone out there can enlighten me
with, couldn't hear where I was, Sooley needs to up his volume control!!
As received from Carbs: For the
record, Darren Turnwald was the DOD which is auspicious as he got it on
his debut game for the maulers! I believe he got it for wearing
two shorts under his playing shorts to bulk up and fit the 3XL massey
issue he was given.
Player of the day
- First half captain and fiftieth game, what a useless bastard....Lardro.
13 June vs Silverdale Snails Away - Win (at least 35 - 0, eh Mike)
The game today was at the Dale, rain had held off and the sun was out.
The arid brown look of the sand based field was surprisingly firm
underfoot, so another running game was on the cards!
Our first half tries were pretty much solo efforts,
the team had got the ball down to put pressure on the Snail defence and
then it was up to the individual brilliance of our team mates to finish
it off. First try was to our BDL, Mike "Junior" Hynds, the Snail
backline lost control of the ball and attempted a flyhack at the ball
to clear from the line. The ball flew up into the air into Mikes
big mitts about fifteen out from the line, he then smashed and crashed
his way through the defence to score under the posts. Next try
was to the opposition POD Nige, scrum about 15m out with a 20m blind,
he ran from open to blind receiving the ball from the base of the
scrum, dummy to me on the cut, and ran around the defence without a
hand reaching him. Last try of the half went to Stu, who burst
off the back of the scrum at halfback to smash his way to the line from
about twenty out with snails crushed underfoot. Snails were
looking a little shell shocked as their numbers dwindled with injuries,
so a few boys put on the green jersey to help out. Some, (as in
Ace) decided to make it even harder for us, as he came on as sixteenth
man to try and fit a third lock into the Silverdale scrum!!
Second half saw another three tries to ourselves,
first from some driving play by our forwards that got the ball to about
ten out, Nige called for and got the ball, drew the defence and gave me
a gap to slide into, with ball wrapped up and head down aimed at the
quickly closing gap, I smashed my enormous frame through the Snail
defence. Next was from a ruck about forty metres out, we had a
huge backline with forwards and backs quick handing the ball along to
Carbs who set sail for the line swatting off Snails left right and
centre to rumble over in the corner. Our final was another solo
rampage by the raging bull Stu, who again smashed and fended his way to
the line...escargot never tasted so good as it did today.
Note for Junior, don't rile the aftermatch speaker
Sooley or the dirty washing comes out. Sitting back in the
changing rooms trying to work out the score, our brilliant financial
guru from GE Finance commented "we must have scored more than 35 as six
tries are 35". Now we know the real reason the financial market
has fallen throughout the world.
Dick of the
day -
Wayne "Kerr" MacDonald who was frantic for another gear bag after last
weeks game, as his other got the whiff of approval from the local
mongrel dog
Player of the day-
He almost lost his head, and did lose half his shorts to the
opposition, but still managed to pick himself up and cart his body
around the field, Jason Tawhai was our POD, despite his shocking
forward pass, c'mon Jase, admit it....
20 June vs Marist Home - Win 50+ - 14
Massey was holding 50th anniversary celebrations so parking was a
little like hens teeth with all teams playing at Moire Park. A few hardy souls had celebrated at the
dinner the night before (and some, like myself, just celebrated), but
were still able to make it to the field to play against a new team in
the competition. The Marist Chinese are a bunch of students from
the Albany campus, many in their first year of playing the game,
although young and keen they are a little light on experience and
weight, even I could compete with them there!! We had good
numbers again, so off to field five for a rumble...
We took a while to get into gear, probably treating
the youngsters from China a little lightly. From broken play they
could be quite deadly as their younger legs were a little fast for many
of us...but in true mauler fashion, our forwards ground out a ruck and
maul to within 5m of the line for the ball to pop out into Mac's hands
to burrow across for our first try. Our second came from a ruck
at the forty metre midfield, quick ball to Nige had the opposition on
the backfoot and he was able to swerve his way to the 20m to float the
ball over the winger to myself and I ran the next 20 to the
corner. Unfortunately my memory of the next tries are a little
hazy, I was feeling just a little bit knackered on the sideline (the
bourbon refreshments probably didn't help). Suffice to say they
were all well run, well supported and straight up the middle,
especially Stu's, where he fended off half the chinese team as he
rampaged to the line, he was a ten pin ball and they provided the
pins!!! Believe they occured in the following order, Doug, Carbs,
Pagie, Clarkey, Stu, Jason and Nige. But what was more memorable
was marist's first half try, they were always trying to run the
ball in their backline from any where. This move started off at
their 30m in broken play, straight to their second who was able to step
his man and run into space, this drew Tony Andrews (playing in the
backs today) in, but he left enough space to turn and chase the outside
man if he received the ball. Sure enough the ball went out to the
outside man and Tony turned to nail him, only problem was this young
fella had the afterburners on, and Tony, who doesn't miss too many was
left lying in his wake. Mind you, unlike me against Taka, he made
sure to take a dive, just didn't look that convincing to me....From
there the young fella set sail for the line from fifty out, and the
whole team were whooping it up as he scored. Their second
half try by their prop (or was it our Tassie playing for them) received
the same triumphant outburst, so they were certainly enjoying
themselves despite the final score, I mean draw!! The aftermatch
was enjoyed by all as the Mauler BBQ was fired up with all the goodies
from the mad butcher hitting the plate to be perfectly cooked and
delivered by Matty, Anvil and myself ...but who was that Gordon Ramsay
dude who kept interupting our awsome cooking with his so called helpful
hints, I'm volunteering him for our next barby (Chopper).
Dick of the
day - Tama, was washing the dishes so didn't hear the reason, sure to find out soon enough.
Player of the day-
Mike "Clappy" Clapcott, in from Brisbane to play and participate in the
celebrations, turned up with a tray of duty free alcohol in shot
glasses for prematch, midmatch and aftermatch enjoyment, so deservedly
wins the Player of the Day!!
27 June vs Takapuna Turtles Home - Win 51 - 31
Jeez, the fog only just lifted in time for the game, and there wasn't
any blue sky above either. Stu, as el presidento of the club, had
snaffled us the number one field to play on. Also, with this
being his one hundredth game for the maulers, the premiers changing
room was taken over by the old bastards for the huge numbers that were
going to turn up today, and the copious amounts of alcohol that would
need to be stored away for the aftermatch celebrations!!
Unfortunately the memory cells were given a
hammering that day and also at the RSA that night, so the report is a
little light on detail. Someone did score the first try (probably Nige or Tony, they scored two each)
then we had to do some huge defending in which Baxta pulled off
his once in the season heroics, smashing the opposition player to the
ground as it was looking good for a try to him. The first try I
remember (second I think) started out left, with quick hands on
the blind about fifty out to Camel on the wing. He chipped ahead
with the defence up, we had Lardro sprinting down on attack, first to
the ball he had a hack at it and it flew sideways towards the right
hand corner flag. Now both he and Puss were in the lead, chasing
the ball down. Another hack both missing, opposition player
decides to have his own hack at the ball, ball riccochets off Puss(?)
to land in front of Deano strolling down the right hand wing to pick up
and score under the posts. In no particular order, some more tries were
scored, Clarky in his fiftieth for the team scored one, Puss got one
for all his efforts around the field and as mentioned above Nige
and Tony scored a brace each. But the other two I can comment on,
because I was involved or potentially involved in both of them!!
Both were after halftime, we had the turtles
defending at their 22m, the first receiver cleared the ball out to me
on the fifty metre left hand side, I was able to step (bloody huuuuge
step it was too) the opposition player and hug the sideline, dodging
all the slow poppos before one of the faster turtles decided to bag me.
But before he got to me at the 25m, the only mauler left in
support for me was big Stu, ball passed to him and he cleared the
opposition as he headed to the corner flag. A 9.0 was scored on
his Swan dive into the in goal, I would have given a 10.0 if he had
finished with a Michael Jackson moonwalk! The other was a well
worked, scrum set play, back move from fifty out. Scraffy at half
quickly off the deck, Duck dummying to Jase and Llardro in the centres,
myself running straight and true through the hole created in their
compressed oppostion defence, fullback to beat, Anvil cruising up on my
left, pop outside to him, try under the post.... but hellll
nooooooo!!!! Carbs picks up off back of scrum, runs blind, first
to his support is the openside flank Puss, as Tassie hasn't yet pulled
his arse out of the scrum. Puss runs a few then pops it too
Tassie on the outside with a clearish (one person to beat) thirty
five (n.b. 35 not 40) metre run to the corner flag. So a high
scoring (the turtles scored five tries themselves) fast paced game that
was well reffed by our very own Piripi, ended with celebrations into
the night, cheers STU.
Dick of the
day -
Darren Turnwald, she was a story and a half from Stu, but the
aftermatch from the Massey 50th Anniversary continued at home for
Darren, where he was involved in a little road rage in which he was the
matador and the "drunker than Darren" car owner was the bull, and the
local constabulary with eagle helicopter were the judges....or
something like that.
Player of the day- Stu Taylor of course, 100 vintage games from the big fella, and now with a nice silver mug to show for it!
04 July vs Helensville Bulls Home - Win 19 - 5ish
No match report yet, awaiting reply from certain (scoring) players.
Tries to Nige (2) and Carbs and one to the Bulls, and apparently
some fancy footwork by BJ. And I have no fishing stories
to brag about either!!
Here it is at last, thanks to Nige!!
After having the number 1 field against the turtles last week the mighty
Maulers were put on the back track of number 5. With all the wet weather
lately, the field was classified as ‘heavy’. As usual the Bulls turned up with
a determined frame of mind and huge set of forwards and backs for that matter.
The maulers were down on the usual high numbers hence, Scraffy started at half
back.
The game kicked off under the huge threat of rain which appeared soon
after half time. Thanks to some judicious kicking from the inside backs and the
usual Mauler forwards doing the grunt work we were camped in the Bulls half. Scraffy
came under close scrutiny from the Bulls loosies and you might say had a little
trouble clearing the ball. The maulers changed tactics, with Carby and Stu
swapping around at number 8, started to pick and clear from the base of the
scrum and rucks and hence we scored soon after. Quick ruck ball out to Becky
and with a 50/50 pass to Nige who ran on to a short ball 5m out and shut the
gate maulers 7 nil up, much to ‘Paddys’ annoyance. Once again the Maulers were
hammering the Bulls goal line and Carby was denied a try by a pedantic or was
that an incompetent ref. However, from the ensuing scrum Carby picked up and
threw a delightful short pass on to Nige running a nice angle to score under
the black dot. Halftime and the Maulers up 12 nil.
The halftime talk was much the same as always “keep it tight and play
down in their half”. The weather gods must have over heard the team talk because
they played their part as the skies opened up. Again the Maulers were dominant
as Clarky, Flipper, Stu, Pagey et al made huge gains and kept the Bulls inside
their half. After another successful raid quick hands and a fine slight of hand
dummy from Carby saw him stroll over and the maulers had the advantage of being
3 tries up. The game stayed relatively the same, however with some nice touches
from Billy making some fine counter attacking runs and Camel toe coming close
to scoring using his brain and some nifty footwork, the score remained the same.
The forwards took it upon themselves to really stress the halftime team
talk and they decided to play by themselves much to the distain of the freezing
backline. After 70 minutes of constant whinging from Paddy he got the yellow
card and ironically the Bulls scored a good backline try. That ended a rather
wet and torrid match and the boys certainly enjoyed the after match
festivities.
Dick of the
day - Legs McKenzie
Player of the day - Flipper
11 July vs Northcote Nobras Away - Loss 7 - 17
She wasn't a flash day, in fact the heavens had opened up, and the
cyclone from way up in the pacific had made a landfall all up and down
the northern half of the shaky isles. Some of us, not to be named (BJ,
Lardro, Jacko and Clarky) had decided to go fishing up north, knowing
the cyclone was on its way and we were playing the mighty Nobras.
Along with some others who had far better excuses, the changing
rooms were looking bare with ten minutes left before kickoff. As
each random player that entered was given a rousing welcome, positions
were being shuffled from "you're covering winger/fullback/centre
Ra....st", to "thank god we've got another prop" Andy, we made
our one reserve only (Legs, you're covering the whole team) way to the
field of dreams. Fortunately for us, the Nobras had only turned
up with thirty players today, as opposed to the forty others that we
normally see!!
She was going to be a kicking and straight up the
guts game today, as the ball was slippery and the wind was swirling
(not too strongly yet) from the east. The first half was with
the wind in our favour, but unfortunately the Nobras were the
first to score from some driving play on our 15m, that lead to an
overlap out wide and the first try. We eventually kept pressure
on them in their own half for most of the first half to score our
own. A scrum about 15m out had "Nappies" picking up off the back
to drive ahead, the Nobra loosie swept the ball out of his hand, which
looped up and dropped in front of Billie Meehan at first, with nowhere
to go he spun, fended and dodged his way through the defence somehow to
score . He then finished it off with a conversion.
Seven/five up at halftime wasn't a bad effort
we thought, especially as we couldn't win a lineout ball if we tried,
but we knew it was going to be hard to keep the opposition out in the
second. Our defence was pretty damn tight today, but couldn't
quite hold out the opposition, despite the help we provided to the ref
in regards to his eyesight (or lack of). But it 's always good to
see the forwards fire up, eh Tassie! Quick thinking by Stu
preventing our numbers dwindling to fourteen.The Nobras planted
themselves in our half for the rest of the game, and were able to score
two further tries. We scrambled out of our half a few times, the
most notable being a burst straight up the guts from Flipper off the
side of a ruck from centre. He started at the fifty and did a few
Taniwha sidesteps on four or five of the opposition that took him to
the last guy to face at the 20m, by then whiteline fever had fully
struck, no matter how hard Stu called, and the last man did drop him!!
So off to the changing rooms, cold, battle weary but still
very thirsty we went...and a fine barby and speech was had by all.
Dick of the
day - Tassie was the winner (you're
bloody lucky you weren't there Tama, copyright fraud artist), we wanted
to see him kiss the supporter of the day, his sister (thats a bit harsh
on Kelly, she's not his sister, she's Tassies best mates girlfriend)!!
Player of the day - Moi
18 July vs Marist Blue Bellies Home - Win 19 - 0
Remember when you were real little, bare foot and keen as mustard for
the game to be still on, despite it being a wet winters Saturday.
You turned up at the field all covered in water and mud churned
up from the previous game, freezing cold, the coach geeing you up, the
old man in his gummy's telling you about "in my day, son...."
Well now, we are those old men, and staring out over the
field of dreams today, the lounge with a roaring fire, the glass of
red, and the missus picking up after us was looking extremely
inviting......but of course, we are real blokes not whimps, maulers not
maulettes, tough as nails, whats a bit of mud to brave warriors like
ourselves. You're right, we are a bunch of sick masochists that
cannot say no due to peer pressure and fear of the ribbing we'd get,
and along with a bunch of bluebellies, we went out to slip and slide
around the rugby paddock just to tell our boys "in my day, son....."
The bluebellies had use of a good wind and
planted us at the bottom half of the number three field for all the
first half, except for a couple of breakouts. But our defence was
huge from the boys, and Billy's kicks from the base of the scrum to
relieve pressure was awesome. With each passing minute of that
first half, the mud just continued to get deeper and deeper so it was
with some relief that the forwards got to rumble the ball up past the
fifty in a tight maul to unleash the backline at the bluebelly thirty
metre. Nige to Jason crashing up from second, who drifted past a
couple of tackles for Nige to follow up on the inside, who then fended
his way to the line to score first. The next was another breakout
that saw the ball being rucked out with about fifteen metres to the
line. Our backline was set but the opposition hadn't fully
formed. Quick hands meant an overlap out wide to Anvil, only
after receiving a good pass previously that he turned into a hot potato
and lost, Piripi decided a step inside of his marker was the right
option to score.
Twelve nil up at halftime and with the wind on our
side we were pretty confident, it was Marists turn to be parked in the
bottom half, with the mud now six inches deep. Most of the team
were now unrecognisable, all resembling a bunch of New Guinea
tribesmen. Going down on the ball was a drowning hazard, although
that didn't stop "mad dog" Tassie, who was so determined to get
to the pill, he would dive for the ball at the top of the lineout
if it went loose amongst the forwards feet, much to his lifter,
Sooley's consternation. And getting the legs to move through the
muck was near impossible, Camels excuse that the mud sucked him down
for an attempted catch over his head, would almost be plausible, except
we all know he's a short arse anyway. The pressure eventually
told, and PC, with the cleanest jumper on the park, crashed over from a
penalty fifteen out to score our only try of the second half.
Thankfully the ref blew the whistle at last, and the muddy
warriors tramped off to the warm showers awaiting....
Dick of the
day -
BJ, he couldn't get away forever without receiving this, and at last we
caught up to him with his tardy control of the first aid gear and drink
bottles!!
Player of the day - Moses, who showed us thet he is capable of parting muddy waters as well!!
01 August vs Takapuna Guerillas Away - Win 31 - 7
Off to Taka for what was looking to be a wet one, but the rain held off
for the game to be played on a very wet but not too muddy rugby
paddock. After having lost to these guys earlier in the round,
the forwards were out for a little revenge. So us backs weren't
expecting too much wide expansive play, and so it would prove to be the
right call with those fast Guerilla backs feeling the heat from some
close in combat.
The first few minutes of that first half was played
in our quarter with chips through and hard running allowing the
guerilla backs in for a first try right under the posts. They
almost scored straight after with a hack through allowing their fast
moving second to (possibly) outpace Puss to the ball in the ingoal,
with both diving and our very own ref Sumo still 25m behind the ball,
it was deemed to be lost over the deadball...honest ref!! From
now on our forwards and inside backs really started to fire up.
From the high ball being taken in defence by our evergreen Hori to
Becks proving his skills as a standoff, we were able to crack the Taka
defence. First was a rumble up to the Taka fifteen, with their defence
shattered out to our right, quick hands to Piripi left Anvil spare on
the wing, aiming to the corner flag not even Takas speeding backs could
close him down. Next was to big Becks, received the ball at
standoff, busted through the first two tacklers and head down arse up
got his legs of steel pumping to plant the ball in the ingoal with five
taka and two maulers hanging off his huuuuge frame!! Twelve/seven
at halftime and still on attack at the end, things were looking good
for avenging our earlier game.
Second half was spent camped in the Taka half, with
the forwards dominating at ruck and maul time. Nappies was
doubling around and popping up all over the field, and Becks continued
his role as first standoff directing traffic. He was to feature
in the first try of the second, receiving the ball from Billy, he stood
up the defence 20 out to time his release to Nige cutting back, Nige
broke through to the last defence to pop the ball inside to a fast
moving Carbs who scored close to the posts. Nige then scored
straight off the back of a setpiece move, dummying to our second to
smash through the defence from 15 out, and Naunau scored the final try
as he rumbled the ball up from 45m, sorry 45cm, to score close to
the sideline. The game ended prematurely as our hardman Stu was
left dazed and bruised after an encounter in the ruck...a pinball move
where the opposition smashed into Scraff who then ricocheted off Camel
whose fat head did the damage, leaving Stu with a third eyeball the
size of a golfball in the centre of his forehead!! Beer o'clock
for us, and a visit to North Shore A&E for the big fella courtesy
the Ambo boys.
Dick of the
day - Not too many contenders here, but Sumo got it for trying to imitate a ref (he's not too bad at it though)!!
Player of the day - Becky, who had a blinder at first five, even though he played lock throughout the game!
08 August vs Glenfield Grizzlies Home - Loss 5 - 21
Spring had sprung, sun streaming down on the No.2 field, and a chance
for us to avenge another loss from earlier in the season, unfortunately
the Grizzlies weren't in the "giving" mode as we were soon to find
out.....
The game pretty much followed the last game from the
scoring point of view, 3 tries to 1, two in the first to the Grizzlies,
Kawhena breaking right up the centre with the boys falling off the
tackles, and the next to their fast winger who bumped our boys
off, with a possible foot out firing up the angry ones!! We were
playing like the All Blacks against the Springboks the previous
weeks, guilty of not taking the high ball, slipping off the first
tackle and bombing some certain tries.
The second half was another repeat from the game
earlier in the season, with another soft try scored by the opposition.
After some great lead up work, PC driving into the backline from
second five, offload to Carbs, another ten metres driven up to the
Grizzly 30m, to lose the ball for their backline to quick pass to the
flying fullback who ran 75m to score. Our only try came from
another dash upfield from PC crashing at second, stopped about 15 out
from the Glenfield line, the ball was passed to Nige who threw a wide
miss pass to myself, with the cover coming across , I was looking for
Baxta wide out on the wing free, only problem was he was in
anticipation mode, 5m in front of me!! Next option was Greg who
was doubling around, went to pass to him but the cover looked like they
had already decided to take him, leaving a wide gap for me to stroll
across the line to score, choice! We should have had another
scored against us, as the boys sat back watching the ball bounce before
the ten, expecting another restart kick, but the ball bounced over the
ten for the Grizzlies to pick up and scamper for the line.
Somehow Sumo moaned and grumped enough for the ref to have a head
explosion, and restart the game from halfway ...we'll take it anyway.
Dick of the
day -
Mikey, who was carrying out prematch tonsil checks on his girlfriend,
not good form before a crucial match (we were only slightly jealous,
she's a fine looking woman)!
Player of the day - The big beast and our aftermatch speaker, Sooley.
15 August vs KKK Kowboys Home - Win 39 - 5
The weather gods looked like they weren't smiling on the Presidents
Rally Day at Moire Park. The morning opened up with heavy showers
and the promise of more to come. Even as we stepped out of the
changing sheds to wander on to the green turf of the number 1 field,
there was a shower falling, but it had a hint of sun in it. A
rousing Haka by the boys sent the clouds running, and the rest of the
day was spent in spring sunshine, as twelve teams descended upon the
fields of green for the game of the gods,,,Rugby.
With three hundred games under his belt in todays
game against the KKK, it was fitting the first try went to our captain
Puss. Scrum to us about 15 out had Nige at first receiving the
ball from Billy from the scrumfeed. He crashed between the first
and the no.8 covering, to leave his hands free to pop the pill to Puss
following up who scampered all of ten to score. The next was a
similar scoring move with the same players, difference was it came off
a KKK scrumfeed 15 out. The ball squirted out the side of their
scrum, Puss was first to pounce. His pass went straight to Nige
who crashed and popped the pill to Billy to score. The last try
in the first half came from some pressure on the KKK who kicked the
ball out of defence to land around the forty mark in front of me.
With the sideline to one side and two KKK boys coming up fast, a
couple of sidesteps left them standing in my wake as I rushed upfield,
by the time I reached the 20m mark I had four good bastards inside of
me with two KKK left in defence. The numbers told and ball ended
up in Clarky's hands for him to crash over the line with a KKK player
hanging off his laaaaarge frame! The only other notable feat in
this half was a perfectly timed hospital pass to James from our very
own BJ, who then had the gall to literally jump over our crash
tackled mate expecting to receive a double around pass!!
Our first try of the second came quickly after the
kickoff, pressure on the KKK receivers, then some good lead up work
from Tassie, the ball went quickly out to Jason Tawhai who crashed
through a couple of players to crash over in the corner (thanks to
Tassie and Jasons missus for the description, I didn't see a bloody
thing, must be true though, eh)?! The next came from an up and
under from Lladro about 30 out from our line. With both himself
and Billy rushing up on the ball dropping on the KKK 10m, Billy jumped
high and caused the defender to lose control. Ball bounced up
into Lladros path, who then drew the final defender to pass to Stu
steamrolling up on his left. He set sail for the corner to score
without a hand laid on him from forty out. Nappies scored our
next, a lot of good driving and quick hands got him there. Final
try went to Stu again, with some swift footwork from Greg setting up
the final pass to Stu. Another episode of note involved Baxta,
who had been moaning about not receiving much ball out on the wing.
Ace on hearing this decided to set him up with some ball, but
decided to throw an opposition player in as well, and Baxta was
"smashed him bro" over the sideline as Ace helped direct the KKK player
onto him!!
So another season has passed in the best rugby
competition in the world, 12 teams of good bastards celebrated into the
night, and all looking forward to the next season no doubt...
Dick of the
day - Legs for not remembering his boots after putting name down on the team list.
Player of the day - Puss
I think, body suffering a little from the ingestion of copious
quantities of the brown stuff at this stage of the evening.
PS. Apparently I missed a try
from Nige, who has been scoring left right and centre for the past
maaaaaneeeeey weeks, so the score should be +5 at least ..........but
who's counting (Legs), good on you Nige!!
22 August vs Air New Zealand Jumbos Home Win 15 - 10
Shit, here am I, after midnight, having just enjoyed a thursday evening
training night of touch and a few quieties, trying to write up a
game I didn't participate in (apart from giving a few guys gip about
their playing styles, especially c#*ty)), it's gotta be mythical,
but based on truth, ehhhhh!! Thanks for the Bourbons, Carbs, Eddy
and Tassie, I'm sure the tale will be f@#ked!!!
Here goes anyway.....
Spring had certainly sprung, the XJ900 had even
passed a WOF, allowing myself and my beatiful four stroke beast to
participate in the long days of sun and good times (NB. Tassie wasn't participating, for reasons associated with the previous week, go the aftermatch).
The Number One field was all set for the annual battle between
the Maulers (with sons) and the Jumbos. Sun was out, a shady ref
had been employed (Sumo), and the boys were ready to rumble. Time
to throw in our very awesome Haka, with Scraffy out front showing us
that the "carrot up the butt" haka style is something we should not try
to emulate, it doesn't scare anyone!
First half was a game of "what might have been",
with sweeping moves down both ends of the field with very tight defence
in between. Naunau was anchoring the scrum with his son, who
along with Nappies should have scored halfway through the first half if
they only knew how to hold a ball between them, with all defence gone,
ten out from the line. Then a sweeping move from the Jumbos had
them arcing towards our line, a great covering tackle from Brady, with
Naunau's boy tidying up (what is his name)? preventing the Jumbos
from scoring. Not a common score in our grade, but nil all up at
half time showed the commitment by both teams on display.
The second half stayed tight till our very own rasta
man decided to open up, in his own emphatic style. I'm going for
a take off the top of a lineout throw, twenty out, run through the
halfback, beat the cover, score close to the poles....maybe not, but
Tony did score the first try, and Brady did miss the conversion.
Tony's second was a classic, pick up off the back of the ruck 20
out, no one close to pass to, lets chip through the covering defence,
hit the afterburners, beat the opposition, ball bounces into hand,
score!!! Brady misses conversion again!! The Jumbos were
then to score a soft try from a penalty ten out, the fat bastards
forgot to cover the line and provided directions on the best way
to make it to the line. With ten to go, stilll tight, we had a
scrum twenty out from the line. Billy feeds, Stu picks up and
goes blind. Billy outside receives ball, one to beat, passes to
Hori's boy Sam who scores in the corner... Brady misses goal (or was
that Lladro)? Final try was to the Jumbos, who kept us all honest
to the end. Final whistle blown by Sumo, thank god (mind you,
Coozer would have liked an extra ten, he thought his jumbos deserved
that chance to get back the trophy) and off to an awesome aftermatch
with a very professional bbq crew of yours truly and the evergreen Andy
Beattie.
Dick of the
day -Tatts,
the only Mauler not to hand in his pass for the Air Force Base
Whenuapai, after touch and a good night of cheap piss (thats what
did it, he was last to leave).
Player of the day - Lladro, damn fine display as a 1st five, just in time for Aspen
29 August vs Massey High 1st XV
Your joking!!!
2008 Results
12 April vs Marist Blue Bellies
19 April vs Takapuna Geurillas
26 April vs Northcote Nobras
03 May vs Glenfield Grizzlies
10 May vs North Shore
17 May vs Silverdale Snails
24 May vs East Coast Bay C-Niles
07 June vs Navy Water Rats
14 June vs KKK Kowboys
21 June vs Takapuna Turtles
28 June vs Helensville Bulls
05 July vs Marist Bluebellies
12 July vs Takapuna Guerillas
19 July vs Northcote Nobras
26 July vs Glenfield Grizzlies
02 August vs North Shore
16 August vs Navy Water Rats
23 August vs Air New Zealand Jumbos
30 August vs Massey High 1st XV
06 September vs Waitemata Wino's
13 September President's Cup
12 April Home vs Marist Blue Bellies - Win 44 - 5
Looked dark before the start of play with a hint of
rain, but by the time the boys trod on the turf to play, the sun was
making an appearance and the field was looking firm and fast. We
were fortunate to have a replacement team on the sideline, so rolling
subs was going to be the order of the day, always good at the beginning
of the season.
First try of the season was to be to
Marist as there was a "quack" in the midfield 25m
out, the opposition pounced and scored under the sticks after Tony
Andrews "nearly" got him.
Our first try was to the always present Stu Taylor,
the opposition half passed the ball over his first five for Stu to run
down the ball in their in goal and score. Of course we can confirm
that he wasn't more than 5m offside, less than 2 at least!
There were to be seven further tries to us as our
rolling subs outlasted their reserves. Tries to our new boys Phil
London and Neil Felton shows the off season purchases by management
were very successful, a couple of straight up the guts from the
midfield tries. Ace was to score a brace of tries, his first was a
classic wingers run to the corner with cover about to capture him 5m
out, fortunately my massive 73kg frame was able to drive him over the
line with at least a dozen opposition players hanging on to him, well
two maybe! The try by Carbs was a little pearler, a breakdown 30m out
had the backs on the left and a few forwards on the right, of course
the forwards got the ball as they grunt the loudest, ball got to Tony
Andrews who made the break, pass inside to Carbs screaming up on his
left with an open line 25m away. He decided that he was a forward
that has a hammy and displayed the classic "carrot up butt" running
style after pulling said hammy, having to fend players off left and
right to fight his way, at last, to the tryline. The other tries
were to Flipper Cooney and Eski O'Shea.
As usual, the move from changing rooms to the
clubrooms took forever as the boys enjoyed the aftermatch refreshments
and the buzz of the first match of the season. The BBQ was fired
up and the post match speeches made, no doubt there will be some sore
heads and bodies in the morning.
Dick of the Day
- Mark "Puss" Page, a quick tap penalty from our intrepid captain saw
the ball fly from his boot sideways about ten feet, with Puss
scrambling to hide his f...up.
Player of the Day - Peter "Naunau" Nau, a hundred games for the maulers today, entitled him to POD for his endurance and loyalty
PS. One try I failed to write up but can now be revealed, a truly
remarkable try from our very own Peter "Hori" Young who had to sidestep
from a hundred metres out the whole Marist team, with two big fends on
their six foot two inch locks to rocket through a closing gap, finish
off with a dive right under the posts followed by a 1 and 1/2
somersault and kicking of the conversion (with toe kick no less). Yes,
it was a wonder to behold (two lion red quarts will do thanks Hori)!!
19 April Away vs Takapuna Geurillas - Win 46 - 10
Wet week, but the Onewa 1 field was in good
nick and a milky sun was shining with the wind blasting in from
the south. Lots of tries scored again this week, and we had to lend a
few players to the Takapuna Guerrillas, which may have been a large
mistake on their part, as the loan players may have sabotaged their
chances...more on that later.
First try of the day was to our captain Puss who
continued his great support play from the previous week to score off a
backline move from 20m out, he then did another support move to score
the second try of the first half. Tony Andrews was to have a
storming game all day and for both sides, but scored the next try for
us in the first half, a swerving run up the middle from 25m out to
score under the post. The opposition then got to camp in our
quarter for a while, and Scraffy felt sorry for them and allowed one of
them to step around him to score their first try. Probably the
best try of the half was to be scored next, lineout about 40m out,
quickly across to the centre Johnny to break thru, support from Carbs
to hit the dirt ten metres out on the other side, quick ball out along
a backline with far too many forwards in it, but more than the
opposition, with Sooley having enough speed and bulk to pass through
the defence to score.
The second half was to be a little more scrappier as
a little rain had fallen and the ball and field became slippery.
This is where the mistake may have been made by the opposition.
Amongst our swap over players was Naunau, who insisted (at least
a half dozen times to the wide eyed guerillas) that he was a first
five. Now we know he's a damn fine player, but at 110kg+, he's
gotta be the biggest first five in the world and the slowest - plus, as
he took a backline spot, I got to play prop, and at 73kgs that made me
the smallest prop in the competition, fortunately, golden oldies rules
were in action!! Also, the hits on the swapover players were to
be more venomous, with TG our Japanese import feeling the full force of
Puss' shoulder, luckily for him he didn't get past, cause Johnny our
bonecrunching centre was waiting next in line!!
From my position I got to see why we have such a
formidable team as the forwards would rampage up the middle, stomping
all over you to unleash the backline. So more tries were to be
scored, the more memorable being a drive straight up the middle by
Clarky from kickoff, pass inside to Cam who knows only one way.
Quick ruck and ball to Puss who sprinted 30m to find a way
offside, "waiting for play to reach him" Sumo who strolled over in the
corner (by the way Sumo, thanks for the kiss, kneeing and nipple
gripple in the scrum, I'm sure all props love that sort of thing, but
this back certainly doesn't). Neil Felton and Crusher,
celebrating his 100th game, were to be the other try scorers.
So another great team effort, and also great
to see the supporters who travelled across to see the "old farts" play.
Dick of the Day - Naunau for his high class first five play.
Player of the Day - The 100 game boy, Crusher of course!
26 April Home vs Northcote Nobras - Loss 17 - 5
As Frankie would say "Well,well,well......
the mighty maulers came out to play, but the Northcote Nobras went
out to dominate!" Dominate they did as they avenged their losses
to us from last year. The game started out OK for us as the first
try came from a Tony Andrews special where he tracked the opposition
backline putting pressure on the final pass to the winger to pounce on
the dropped ball. A couple of deft football touches from 50m out
got the ball into the 22 where he picked up and was finally caught by
the cover, to pop the ball up to a fast moving Lardro to score in
the corner. From then on the Nobras were to dominate every facet
of play, from the scrum to the lineout to any broken play (and they
even had more reserves than we could muster) while we weren't to come
close to scoring again.
They were to score (and fortunately blow) many tries
in the first half, their very first a quick throw in which saw the boys
all standing with hands on hips waiting for the refs whistle which was
not to come, to the final try and only try of the second half,
which probably encapsulated our failings during the match. A
scrum to us 30m out from our tryline, a shove from the Nobras that
drove us off the ball, a quick release to their backline that had been
pounding us all afternoon, an overlap that a speedster like Rikki
really enjoys, to score deep in the corner. Then Brett
Craies steps up to the sideline conversion and slots it through the
centre of the goalposts to rub it in.
Ahh, well the beer still tasted good if not quite as
sweet as last week, the showers were warm and the aftermatch speeches
were as splendid as ever whenever our two teams meet. I'm sure
the Nobras rum made the aches less painful and the sun still came up
the next morning! As they say, there's always next week,
fellas....
Dick of the Day
- Scraffy who turned up with his sons playing shorts only, which he
couldn't hide as it had the Kelston "2nd XV" sign all over it.
Player of the Day
- For our 250 game player Andy Beattie, who received a moving rendition
of "Flick the fire engine" song on receiving this highly sought after
prize!
03 May Home vs Glenfield Grizzlies - Win 36 - 5
The loss from the previous week wasn't
going to help the Grizzlies chances as there were some pride to be
regained for the boys. The game was good for open play due to the
fine weather conditions, and it turned out to be a fast paced running
game that tired out more than a few of us.
The first try came from a ruck win to us about 50m
out, Lardro received the ball to weave in and out of the opposition to
lay on the perfect final pass to allow myself to stroll over the line
from 20m out. The second try was after the Grizzlies were
attacking our line 15m out, ball popped out the side of the ruck for
Aunty to pounce on and pass on to myself, a little in and out on the
winger (possibly a prop!) then it was open all the way to the try line
80m out, absolutely shagged and time for Eski to sub. The
game continued with more pace and Glenfield started to make some
headway with some bursting runs that bounced a few of the boys off
(Brett, I know you have been slimming down to dodge playing front row,
but that lost bulk means you can't hit them high like you have been
doing previously). Glenfield were to score then Lardro came back with his own. Finally, Phil scored after the ball passed through many hands, with a lot of jinking in and out, and some magic hands to
allow us to lead at halftime. A stern telling off from Puss about
missed tackles, especially his own, and it was back into it. A
try came to Stu from a Brett Iti run at the backline off the back of a
ruck 30m out, he had the option of Nige on the outside or Stu on the
inside, and as Nige couldn't catch a cold let alone a pass in the
second half, the obvious choice was Stu!! May have been other
tries after this (my alzheimer kicks in) so will have to wait for the
management match report, but the game finished with Glenfield on the
attack with our defence able to hold off. A great game and it was good
to see the walking wounded from last weeks game watching from the
sideline (thats Crusher, Tony, Becks), lets hope they harden up for
next weeks game!!
Dick of the Day-
Could have been Nige for his inability to handle a halfback with a real
pass, or Sumo who surprised himself by stepping around the wing, then
decided the five people running inside of him didn't deserve a pass as
he was now in the zone and was going to run 50m to score (not even
close), but the prize went to our newest boy on the block Jason Tawhai,
first game and he has the audacity to turn up in his Kumeu rugby shirt
and bag in tow
Player of the Day-
Mighty Matty Oakes, who threw his aged body about the field like a
young teenager, and is now probably suffering the consequences today.
PS. After consultation with the managers card, missed Dean
Masters try, must have been a goody, rumour has it that he did step on
the touchline to get it, but his daughter made sure not to raise the
flag (this could be untrue, his daughter did a fine job as touchy, just
dodging some rampaging forwards crashing over the sideline)
10 May Away vs North Shore - Win 75 - 10
Another beautiful autumn (fall, for any yanks and canucks out there)
day, sun streaming down on the field of dreams (how do you North Shore
guys keep the kids off long enough not to turn the goalpost into a kids
sandpit, the Moire Park fields have to be filled in each week).
The boys were dribbling in slowly, getting dicked around by the
usual Devonport crawl on a Saturday arvo, but with enough reserves
to cover most positions we were ready to rumble.
Rumble it was to be as the first try came straight
off the kick off, a take by Gazza, charging back up to halfway, ruck
then quick hands to Phil in the centres to break thru, dummy to the
fullback (me) to slip past the last man only to be hammered by the
covering wing 1m out, for Stu following up to be handed the ball to
score. Tony was to feature in many tries, but the next was a bust
up the middle for Lardro to be johnny on the spot to score off him in
the final metres. Tony's was to be next, his first of three that
he was to score today, a carving run up through the forward pack to
then veer past the fullback to score under the posts. The next try was
a ruck mid field fifty out, quick hands to allow Lardro to be final man
at the end of the line to burst down field. An inside pass to
Puss following up and a few metres out from the line with cover on him,
another inside pass to myself to dot under the posts
Four tries in about fifteen minutes looked like a hiding was on
the cards, and so it proved to be. By halftime we had scored
seven tries, with Puss, Tony's next and Eski dotting down.
As usual the halftime talk had to mention the need
to keep it tight, shit we had just scored seven tries playing loose,
obviously we needed to play it tight (eh, Sumo) !!?? So the
second half started with the North Shore boys staying in our half for
the next ten minutes to score the first try (they did score one in the
first half), but Tony was to break the pause in our scoring by taking a
lineout ball at the front to sprint fifty metres down the sideline then
cut in under the posts (he loves scoring against his ex club for some
reason). Nige scored the next off a bit of interplay between
himself and Puss. Tama's was to be the most spectacular of
the tries scored today, well that's according to Tama, apparently he
raced 80m upfield stepping the North Shore team to charge thru the
biggest guy on the field to score under the posts, reality was an Ace
intercept 20m out to pass inside to Tama ten out to fall over the line,
no opposition in sight!! Last try was to be Stu's second, but
shit I can't remember how he scored it, too knackered...
Dick of the Day-
Probably should be given to Brett Iti for setting his mate up then not
turning up for the game, especially knowing last weeks DOD, but Tua,
first game for the boys turned up with Waitemata socks on, wear it with
pride brother!!
Player of the Day-
He charged upfield all day, even showed the ref his passionate side,
with a blast of the verbal over blatant offside play (though he won't
admit to it), missed out on a try, but being the good team mate he is,
laid them on for the boys, Clarky - POD.
P.S. You've arrived back in the changing sheds, Legs the official
scorer gives you the final score, a seventy plus point bloody good
draw..... and Stu quibbles over 2 points scored in a conversion that he
punted over the goalposts, go figure!!
17 May Home vs Silverdale Snails - Win 37 - 0
Another glorious day with the sun near blinding us as we were
banished to the number three field to play our game against the
reinstituted Silverdale Snails, who have been out of competition for a
few years.
A slow start to us, with ball being dropped, thrown
forward or knocked on, so first try wasn't to happen till about ten
minutes into the game. It was another Phil special, whose
training with the NZ Ballet Company has proved to be positive when it
comes to the game of rugby. A quick ruck about twenty five out ,
miss BJ at second for him to double around Phil, but instead of Phil
setting up BJ for a hospital, he carries out a classical pirouette,
which bamboozles the defence for the line to open up in front him with
only the fullback to beat which he does with ease.The next was a
barnstorming effort from Sumo, lineout on their 40, Sumo throws ball to
Tony jumping at one, quick inside pass from him back to Sumo, step
through the halfbacks tackle then full steam ahead for the line with
only the winger to stop him, and he didn't as the Sumo high thigh
movement (or was it his hippo sway) blasted him out of the way.
Tony was to score the next, his usual full speed, dazzle everyone
with his smile, plant the ball under the upright run. So the first half
was over, and we were able to get rid of that useless ref we had (Tama)
and replace him with the very professional style of Phil.
The first try of the second half went to Jason, who
received a dubious pass from the base of the scrum (was that Tama
again?), that meant he was facing our try line to catch it behind him.
He spun around in time to step inside the first five about fifteen
out, then launched himself towards the line to step inside the cover
again to score close to the posts. Next try was another Sumo
special, where he decided not to follow the pack around like all good
props should, no he was going to relax out back with the real stars and
stroll in for a try playing at centre. The final two tries were
classic winger tries to Ace, the best being a well planned miss two off
the back of a scrum fifty out, our first received the ball dummied to
two, with Neil at centre angling inside his man to receive the ball, in
then out, pass to fullback who draws the final man, out to Ace to set
sail for the corner post 40 out, easy as that. So another great
draw to us, time for a beer.
Dick of the Day-
Who else but the boy who couldn't blow the whistle enough, but not only
that, he lost the receipt book with the record of who has payed their
subs, knew there would be trouble, good one Tama!!
Player of the Day-
Neil Felton for charging around the field, setting up tries and we
can't forget his (and Becks) generous supply of Mad Butcher sausages
and steaks for the aftermatch.
P.S. Sorry Sumo, I forgot, your tries were SPECTACULAR!! Believe that was to be the agreed description for them.
24 May Away vs East Coast Bay C-Niles - Loss 17 - 5
Where has all this sun come from, something
to be said about global warming, we are being treated to a never ending
indian summer. The C-Niles hosted us on their No.1 field, and
they were keen to get started. A light wind blowing, grandstands full,
bring it on!
A few of our guys had flown in this morning from
Perth, and they seem to have infected our boys with jetlag, a very
catchy and well known virus (or can we blame the ECB Yarpies feeding us
tampered drinks)! Whatever it was, the C-Niles found great big
holes in our defence, and pounded their way to our tryline within the
first five minutes to score off the side of a ruck 5m out. The next was
to be their try as well, we were on attack but lost the ball 30m out
from their line, they attacked down their right hand side, chipped
ahead and it was a race for the ball to go over the dead ball, or Puss
to beat the fast closing opposition player to the ball. It looked like
a dead heat between all three, but the ref who was strolling along from
30m away awarded the try to ECB, damn eagle eyes (with patch)!!
We did get one back before the half finished, quick ball to
Jason at first from 20m out, run between first and second to pop the
ball to a fast closing BJ to stroll through the gap 10m out, Puss then
missed the conversion from right in front!!
The second half was to be much the same as the first
with some big hits being made, Dean Masters got smashed across the
sideline, Carby put a few big hits on the opposition, only to be
stopped in his tracks by the opposition No.8 himself. But the
opposition were wearing us down, camping in our half, only just being
stopped with desperate tackles from Lardro and Stu. They finally
cracked us with an outrageous dummy that both myself and a few others
got sucked into, to score the final try of the game, a well earned draw
to the East Coast Bay Boys.
Dick of the Day-
Possibly should have been given to Scraffy, but he wasn't here to
receive it so was given to the instigator, BJ, who got Scraffy so wound
up over a bogus email that suggested one of the wives was assaulted
down at the club that he had all his westy cop mates combing the
countryside for the alleged bald headed attacker, shaped surprisingly
like BJ!!
Player of the Day- Moses, the water doesn't always part for him, but he certainly makes a great splash on the field (if it would rain)!
07 June Home vs Navy Water Rats - Loss 22 - 7
The rain held off and the ships must have
been in as the Navy had a full complement of keen pussers on hand to
play at Moire No.2 . Last year our game got called off due to
Tattoo doing major damage to his ugly moosh, so there was a chance for
us to redeem ourselves as it was the only game we lost last year.
The first try was to Navy, an outside break by their
backs to get into our 22, they were stopped and the ball was speculated
by one of our boys to ricochet into the knees of a fast following up
Water rat, as it would happen the ball rolled over our scoreline to
stop just before going dead, the Navy boy easily first to it. The
next was theirs also, a drive by the lock to the tryline after the ball
had passed through many Navy hands from 50m out, with Aunty and
myself hanging onto him as he stretched with fingertips to just reach
the line. We had a chance to score towards the end of the first
half, a drive by Carby from the lineout, pass into Puss who crashed over
the line only to have the ball spilled from his grasp as he was hit by
some solid defence.
The second half was to feature a dick of the day
deed, a chip by the opposition 30m out had the ball bouncing 5m from
the line, fortunately BJ was doing the covering, unfortunately the ball
has that weird oval shape, bounce over his shoulder, he turns to cover
and politely passes the ball to the incoming Water Rat (knock on or
pass, the Navy ended up with it)! BJ wasn't the only one to dick
around with the bouncing ball today, his was the most obvious though.
They scored again out on the wing, but we did finish with the
"last try wins" score, when Tony broke between the first five second
position to offload to Jason who outpaced the cover from 15m out to
score under the post. She was an ugly game from us, and the only
redemption for us is that we didn't score the big zero....
Dick of the Day-
BJ again, not just for his kind handoff to the opposition, but also his
inability to look after his gear and the match ball, that went missing
again!!
Player of the Day- Cam Liddell, for always charging forwards.
P.S. Hint to Cameltoe, passing a hospital to your inside centre Phil
only sets you up with a hospital from him in the next game, and as the
KKK are all No.8 size and you are five foot not much, chances are its
going to hurt!!
14 June Away vs Kaukapakapa Kowboys - Win 12 - 5
The annual KKK vs Maulers Shield was up for
grabs today, and no one was expected to lie down and rollover for this
match from either team today. Again the sun was shining and the
field at Sinclair park was in good shape for the upcoming game.
With a ref officiating, all was set for the "showdown at the
Kowboy corral".
The first try was to KKK from a mauler attack that
was halted in the backline 15m out from the KKK line, one of the No.8's
(probably the fullback?) swooped onto the spilt ball and set sail
upfield with no one in front, cover from Lardro forced a pass to his
inside back (another No.8, possibly the first five?) who sprinted the
next fifty and dodged a Tony Andrew "almost got him" tackle to score
near the posts. Again, we were quickly back on attack with some
big busts and drives by the pig farmer Cam and Brett "Oos" Iti.
Scrum was set down 15m out from the line, big blindside was
attacked by Carbs peeling off the back at No.8, pass to Brett and
overlap given to Lardro screaming into the line from fullback - just
another classic blindside move!! The rest of the half meandered
along with dropped passes and missed opportunities part of the usual
mix for us...
At halftime the same old speech was given (something
about keeping it tight), and the second half carried on much like the
first half, dropped ball, missed opportunities!! But we did get
to score again, after some pressure on the KKK defence. Scrum was
put down 10m out from the KKK line, Stu popped his head up at No.8,
decided he would have some of this, picked the ball up and drove at the
line with three KKK boys hanging off his belly, and flopped over the
line. There was to be more missed opportunities, a try by Lardro
where he didn't bother to push the point with the referee, who was
under the impression he may have hit the corner post first and a Tony
"butterfingers" Andrews miss from a lineout steal. But a win is
always better than the losses that we have suffered in the previous
week, time to enjoy the post match at the Kaukapakapa Hotel.
Dick of the Day-
Rob Wallace for not only losing socks and shorts after last weeks game,
but showing bad form by putting on the Maulers jersey before the team
is picked.
Player of the Day-
Brett Iti, for some dynamic drives and big hand offs during the
game but shit he's an embarrassment to Maoridom (and fellas with
real shitlockers) with the most useless beer skulling ability I've ever
seen.
21 June Home vs Takapuna Turtles - Win 37 - 17?
The Turtles arrived today with a few players short due to injuries and
planned trips to the All Black game in Christchurch (hardly a good
excuse, it was only the All Blacks, hell we're playing in the premier
rugby competition already)!! So a couple of our guys volunteered
their services along with Stu's son Jared and his mate, onto the
backblocks of Moire, the No.3 field to do battle in the sun again (keep
burning that coal and oil China and America, and remember to chop a few
trees down in Brazil)!
The game got away under the stern guidance of the
ref Tama, first try being a Tony Andrew special. He was able to
secure the ball off a Turtle throw in (unlike last week against the
KKK) at the lineout 5m out to stroll across the line to score.
Next was a scrum 10m out, Stu drove off the back of the scrum,
quick ruck with ball passed along to a fast moving Becks at first
receiver, ball passed to Duck in the hole, step inside final defender,
try under the post. Duck scored again wide out after some good
driving play and interpassing, Deano Jackson thought he was in for a
first try of the season as he was unmarked outside Duck, but no cigar
as Duck stepped the final defender. Last try of th half for us
was a spawny charge down of a kick from an opposition player over their
tryline. The charge down riccocheted off our player onto the kicker to
lob up to Tony who was standing on the tryline, all he had to do was
bend down and score. The Turtles did score a try in this
half, they had a few young and determined players in their backline
with steps that some of us older fellas find hard to defend, a break in
our backline allowed one of their flyers to score from about 40m out.
The second half started with the Turtle backline
attacking from about 40m out from our line, a misdirected pass that was
bouncing towards their wing was intercepted before reaching him, by our
"always ready to poach a ball" winger Ace, who had his own fan base out
the back screaming and supporting him all the way to the line (probably
the reason his handbrake didn't come on at the 22m mark). By this
time the big rig Sooley was doing the damage both on offence and
defence, a crash by him set the ball up about 50m out, ball quickly out
along the backline, some inside and outside passing got the ball all
the way to the line with Ace receiving the final pass to score in the
tackle out wide. The Turtles were to score the next try,
one of the quicker tries, and almost dick of the day material for a
couple of our players. In the previous kickoff, they had changed
tactics to longer kickoffs, and Camel had made a loud and firm call for
the ball, perfect catch and kick to sideline. The next kickoff
was long again, loud overcall from Camel, who unfortunately found the
ball travelling a little longer and higher than his stature could cope
with. The ball was parried off towards the line with Auntie
covering it all the way to the line, "man on" was the call as a Turtle
flyer raced to the ball, according to Auntie that was a wrong call as
the player scored under his reach. We should have yelled
something along the lines of "ball on", yeah right. Our last try
was after determined driving that saw the ball held up twice over the
line, scrum 5m out, directly in front of the post (after confirmation
of rules between Tama and the real ref in our team, Phil), saw Stu
drive off the back, inside to Tony to score his third try of the game.
Time for a beer, BBQ, and another All Black win.
Dick of the Day-
A few candidates, but Sumo won out after reffing a pretty important
match for the junior boys where his timekeeping meant the first half
finished ten minutes early, on being informed of this by one of the
coaches, he confessed that he needed a rest stop!!
Player of the Day- Stephen Beck back from injury and in the mood to carry out some big drives and offloading skills from his lock position.
P.S. Jared, you may not need reminding, but if caught at the
bottom of ruck, make sure you have a team mate designated to look after
you, that way you may not get a stomping from your father.
28 June Away vs Helensville Bulls - Win 35 - 5
Helensville, she's way out west, in fact, she is THE WEST, and always a
damn fine place to visit, (just make sure the colt 45 is close
by, or Clint Eastwood). It was a dark looking day, big clouds and
thunderstorms around....maybe, we'll have a little rain!! But no,
it wasn't to be, the rain held off, a little sun came out (again),
but, it was a heavy ground, with our first bit of mud (yeeeeah).
Duck kicked off, and wormburned the kickoff all the way to the ten
metre in front of him!!
Despite the kickoff, and first half gee up
(something about keeping it tight), we managed to score the first try
off a ten metre scrum, centre field, Carby off the back of the scrum,
barge through a couple of tackles, try. The aftermatch rundown
suggests we scored again in the first half, but my recall, despite a
few lion reds and a bourbon (thank Stu) says we didn't . So first
half according to me was only a try in front (although
Carby's chip kick off the back of the scrum was a sure fire
try..according to him.)
The second half had the wind in our favour, and
the cap'tn Stu said, "keep it in the left hand corner". So we
attempted to keep to the cap'tns plan, which must have worked out, as
we played the majority of the half in that corner (and Stu
did kick a little beauty right into that corner himself, courtesy of
JD's little wormburner at opposition kickoff.... take note Carbs).
The next try, was a great scrum by our forwards, ten out centre
field, push the opposition scrum, pressure on the halfback, ball
spilled, loosie picks up and passes to Becks five out, flops over the
"half his weight" winger, try. From now on it was to be a Brett
"Ooos" Iti cameo (50 GAMES TODAY, and six plus years to accomplish
it......), he had spent the first half playing at half back (apparently
he's pretty good in that position, twenty years later, we've
found other positions more suited to his stature)! But,
before he was to score again and again, the opposition was able to
score after a good drive and passing through the backline, finished ten
out, but all we had was a few forwards (the old bastards, resting out
back) on the left hand flank who were overwelmed by the opposition
to score. As I said , it was to be a Brett Iti cameo, first try
for him was a classic no.8 try off the back of the scrum ten out, break
through the open and halfback tackle to score, second was an openside
pickup and drive off a maul (just guessing this one) to score.... but I
do remember his last, as we ran the blindside fifteen out, drove our
wing Cameltoe to ten metres outside the Bulls line, opposition
winger stole the ball to run into Phil and Brett in centre
field.....quicker than the Ngai Tahu on a land grab, Brett had
stolen the ball to stroll over for the easiest of his three tries.
The game carried on with raids from both sides (Aunty's "almost"
try a near miss due to his butterfingers) that lasted far longer than
both sides old legs could handle, thanks to the ref (good to see a
North Harbour ref turn up to control the thirty refs on the field).
Just for the record, and not a bad one to skite about (despite
four missed tackles, and that was only in the first half), a 100%
goalkicking record from Lardro, many from wide out with a little wind
to counter.
Game over, far to many beers in our changing room, a bloody hot
shower, we eventually made it to the clubrooms for speeches.
Dick of the Day-
He won it last year at this venue, and he was to win it again this
year. All game he was to treat the ball like a cake of soap, not
many were to stick from a kick, and less were to stick from a
pass, much to the forwards disgust...... but come the aftermatch
shower, he leant his piece of soap to Flipper, who upon his return from
the shower said soap was passed across the changing rooms; a one handed
, above his head slips catch from CAMELTOE entitles him to Dick
of he Day!!
Player of the Day- Dean Masters, a Helensville hometown boy, showing his class to the locals!!
P.S. Stu, those dirty dirty Massey jerseys are still in Matts van, DOD's still looking good on your neck!
05 July Away vs Marist Bluebellies - Win 10 - 5
Snow on the Kaimai's and Coromandel Peninsular; rain, hail and thunder
on leaving home , maybe today we were going to have a wet one, with
continuous rain. Nope, the sun came out, the wind died by the
second half, but the backs still knew it was going to be chilly out the
back with no ball, and the forwards were looking forward to rubbing
each others arse's in the mauls (just to maintain body temperature of
course) and wallow in the mud!
The game took a while to sort itself out, with the
wind on our side we tried to get the ball down to their right hand
corner, but Jason's "side of the boot" kicking wasn't cutting the
mustard. Brett "Ooos" Iti decided a kick off the back of the scrum straight
up the middle would do the trick, a slow follow up (typical of prezzy
rugby) with a bit of indecision by the opposition put pressure on
their ruck ten out. Marist won their ball but an ugly pass back
by the halfback to the first meant a knock on well in goal, then a
hurried hack at the ball, which travelled 2 metres in front of
him for BJ to flop on it and score! We were to score a second try
in the first half, our forwards were dominating the scrums (way to go
Andy!), their scrum ten out, a drive, loosehead win and spin by our
forwards had Carby picking up the ball with no one in front
(fortunately for them) to dive over the line to score.
Second was to be as ugly as the first, with dropped
ball and knockons galore, but the Marist boys did score a try after
concerted presssure, off a ruck ten out , defence running out on our
right with their second five cutting back through our line to score
under the post. The only other point of note was a glorious
"smashed 'em bro" by the opposition on Scraffy, that lifted him off his
"pied stilts" and deposited him in the mud. A right hook from
Scraffy on the way down meant he lost the ball, so the ref awarded a
scrum only, when he should have sent him off for
retaliation.......thats how I saw it, but Scraffs adamant it was a pile
drive and he should have been awarded a penalty! Big ups to the
supporters who had to not only endure the cold but also a pretty ugly
game of "ruggers".
Dick of the Day-
He knew it was coming, arrived early in the changing rooms, kitted up
with his thermal gear and sons padding, picked to sub on during the
game, called up early in the first half. Hey Scraffy, there's 32
jerseys in our kit bag, how can you run on without one and expect someone else to
hand you their own jersey!!
Player of the Day- Master Hippo of the front row, 150 games for the team today, sensei Sumo was todays POD!
12 July Home vs Takapuna Guerillas - Loss 15 - 0
The
day started with T shirt
& Jandal weather but deteriorated as kick off time
approached. There was a genuine lack of spirit in the Maulers
shed pre game as the pre match tequila was finished off the week before
and not replenished. The fact that we had 13
players in the shed with 5 minutes to go didn’t help the
enthusiasm. (Maybe the date for the annual pilgrimage to
the Northern Chapter of the Family Planning Society for West Harbour
residents
should be changed to summer), but in
true Mauler character the boys rallied ready to do battle.
The call was made to keep it
tight and play the corners, but since when has any back listened to a
forward. We had two strike weapons on
the wings who wanted early touches, namely Legs (Jonah) McKenzie and Gary
(Kirwan) Scrafton. Paul (Aunties Son) Davis filled in at full back but found the going tough as
he limped off after only five minutes with a blown calf. The injection of Hori, in
his ¾ pants, didn’t help our concentration level and we let the Guerillas in
for a soft try. 5 nil down at half time
and we turned with the rain and wind behind us and a belief the game was ours
for the taking. Matty (I should be in a
wheelchair) Oakes provided the first bit of inspiration as he slapped and
pulled at a Guerillas breast as he invited him to a BBQ. With Nigel (No Hands) Clemas and Jason (I
came from Kumeu) Tawhai making some charging runs we were still unable to break
their line. Stu (Tua man) Taylor tried to get things fired up by asking another
Guerilla to Matty’s BBQ, but got 5 mins in the bin for his trouble. The Guerillas managed two
late tries against the run of play to take a well deserved win over the Mighty
Maulers.
Once a suitable gas bottle
was found the sensational sausages and seared scotch fillet (Courtesy of the
Mad Butcher) was served and washed down with a quart or two of New Zealand’s finest.
Thank you Lion Red.
Dick of the Day- Sraffy, just for being Scraffy!!
Player of the Day- Robert (Flipper) Cooney, for pulling off many try saving tackles
P.S. A finely delivered commentary on
the game delivered by the guest commentator, Stu. Maybe I
should go on walkabout more often - ed.
19 July Away vs Northcote Nobras - Loss 26 - 0
It had been a wet and wild week, so pressure was placed on the NoBras
to either cancel as they weren't allowed to use the club grounds, or
travel deeeeeep into North Shore country to play at Bayswater
Park. But being good keen prezzies, and the fact that we,
and they always relish a game against each other, it was all on at a
waterlogged field that niether team had probably played on, and wish we
don't have to again in the future (oh, and the sun came out again
for us to sunbathe in)!
Unfortunately for a game that is always high on the Maulers
rugby calender, we couldn't turn up with the numbers expected due to
injury, retirement and other useless reasons, whereas the NoBras
turned out in force as usual. No excuse for the scoreline though,
we were lucky just to score zero!! Our forwards were as
industrious as usual, competing the full eighty (sorry sixty) with
Moses, Sumo and Clarky carting it up the middle and the Puss/Tony duo
covering up the missed tackles and non appearance of certain backs at
critical times (I blame the inexperienced wingers though - ed).
But in the backline we were finding it damn hard to keep up with
the blinding speed and fancy footwork of the Northcote backs, deciding
that directing traffic with our hands (and BJ, always remember to call
the touch) was the best way to avoid a tackle as the cut and inside
pass caught us out time and again. So the final score was a
comprehensive four tries to none dicking!!
Just to rub it in we travelled back to the clubrooms
to climb into a cold shower, which may well be what we deserved.
But the NoBras made up for that with an aftermatch spread that
included venison, mussels and smoked duck - cheers guys.
Dick of the Day- Sumo for the wednesday photoshoot bragging session?
Player of the Day-
Aunty, who was kept busy all day with slippery ball off the back of the
scrum, loose ball off the top of the lineout and trying to keep up with
the No.8 drives off the back of the scrum.
26 July Away vs Glenfield Grizzlies - Cancelled
Cancelled - how GAY is that!! A little H2O and a breeze, well
maybe a Noah's Ark deluge with galeforce winds and bloody cold with it,
but, in the words of Tana Umanga "It's not a game of (bloody)
tiddlywinks". Oh well, roll on next week....may the weather gods
be kind!!
Dick of the Day- Hori, he gave us the bad news so obviously was the reason for the cancellation!!
Player of the Day-
Hori, because I got to have the afternoon off at the Huapai Pub where I
whipped my sons arse on the pool table, showing him that maturity and
cunning will always defeat the young and ignorant.
02 August Home vs North Shore - Cancelled
Cancelled again, and every other prezzies team played today!! Ah
well, at least we saw the Blacks stick it to the Kiwi traitors that
support the Aussies, and the one eyed Deans brigade...and even better,
the mighty Taniwhas beat the Mooloo Boys (and the one eyed Cantabrians
went down to Manawatu)
Dick of the Day- The rain
Player of the Day- Tony Woodcock, two tries for the All Blacks and some great bruising runs from the prop.
16 August Away vs Navy Water Rats - Loss 22 - 17
Last competition game where all the Presidents descended on the
Hellensville grounds to contest their game on finals day.
After a four week break we were looking forward to a game, hoping
our form hadn't dropped too low or that our fitness levels wouldn't put
us into oxygen depletion mode (do the Mahe Drysdale!!) before the game
finished. The Bulls were kind to us and put us on the best field
on the park in bright sunshine with a big breeze.
The Navy boys were to score first, but our reply was
not long after, with a great tighthead win on their scrumfeed 15m out.
Stu picked up from the base of the scrum, ran through the first
fives attempted tackle to be dropped to his knees by the fullback 5m
out, but able to flip the pass to a fast following Carbs. Unsure
of the score at halftime, but Sumo was feeling the burn and let
everyone know...the pussy!
Navy were to score three more tries, but we were
glad to see the return of Steve "the bus" Campbell whose fitness and
speed was on fine display again to score two typical break up the
centre tries, at speed with the opposition lying in his wake.
Although it wasn't a win, at least we all made it to the post
match celebrations...except I don't remember too much of that
either, must have been something in the air!!
Dick of the Day- Deano Jackson, who ate all the pies!!
Player of the Day- Someone will have to let me know, I was playing another game when these were handed out.
P.S. Big "ups" to Stu for providing the transport and his daughter for
doing the sober driver, dunno where all my money went, hope the Huapai
pub will let me back in, didn't last long at the party I went too but
did wake up to see the AB's cream the Boks, and found my rugby bag
outside the door on Sunday morning, cheers fellas.
23 August Home vs Air New Zealand Jumbos - Win 17 - 7
The annual clash with the Jumbo's is a keenly contested game that
allows us old bastards to bring our siblings along to compete alongside
the "old man" in competition with the young guns from Air New Zealand.
And for us old bastards, we can have fifteen plus reserves on the
sideline, like hens teeth at this point in the season!! With the
shield up for grabs, a sunny day and the field still in pretty good
nick after all the rain this past month, a running game was in store
for us, if the bloody forwards would allow it!
The first half was pretty much fifty fifty in the
domination stakes with one try only to ourselves in the far corner,
believe it was one of the siblings who scored off the backline shuffle.
But towards the end of the half our
big boys were starting to dominate the rucks and mauls, and with Aunty
rubbing it into the young opposition forwards about "that Andy Beattie
aint so bad for a 56 year old prop", and this is from a 54 (?) year old
youngster, the second half was about to open up for us!
With our huge numbers and continuous subs, we knew we had a
chance to up the ante in the second half, because we're cunning and had
used our young ones to break down the opposition (that was the plan,
eh)!
But there was one large kink in our cunning plan,
someone let BJ on as halfback....and he has gotta be dog tucker in that
position, as our fist five Jason found out. Apart from only being
able to pass in one direction, his pirouettes from the base of the
scrum to pass out to his right hand side were a wonder to behold, but
his pedestrian passes to Jason were the pits (and Duck was loving it
from the sideline, as he wasn't out there to receive them). His
only saving grace was that the opposition were running so much faster
than the pass, they were confused as to whether they should be
intercepting the ball or taking out the first five, and did neither!
Fortunately we got rid of him from that position before too much
damage occurred, and a real halfback was bought on in the form of
Taylor, who showed the true skills of a modern day halfback;
speed, bullet pass and a great box kick (BJ, go back to centre and
never volunteer for halfback again). Two tries were to be scored
in the second half by ourselves and one to the opposition. Stu
was first up with our scrumfeed ten out from their line, screwed to the
left for Stu to pick up from the base, and run all over the only
guy
defending in front of him to score close by the sticks. Our
second was from a kick out from defense by the Jumbos, that I latched
on to at halfway to eventually be stopped on the 22m. But the ever
present Tony "jesus freak" Andrews was able to pick up, twist and
stumble through a few tackles for the forwards to blow over, set up
another ruck and with the opposition running out of defence on the far
side, Steve "the bus" Campbell strolled over the line and made it real
easy for Lardro to convert by scoring under the post. Only
problem was he placed so close to the tryline in front, that the
opposition were able to charge down the kick. Game over, with the
shield back in our hands.
Dick of the Day-
Dean "Duck" Masters, who got the willies in the changing room from an
incy wincy spider, that turned out to be a bit of duct tape!!
Player of the Day-
A storming game from Stu Taylor's boy Jason, who is faster,
slimmer, more skillful, better looking with more hair than his old man,
but just like his old man has a big engine that keeps going and going,
well deserved POD from both ourselves and the Jumbos.
30 August Home vs Massey High School 1st XV
The old fellas got a chance to run around the paddock with the future!!
From what I've heard (as no match report was supplied), we got to
play with the 1st XV against the under 21's, but the MHS boys
probably thought we were an anchor on their (very fast) backs, so I
have relegated us to added opposition to the MHS 15!!
06 September Away vs Waitemata Wino's - Loss 25 20
An invitation into the heart of Auckland for a romp on the Orakei
Domain against another westie team from the Auckland competition could
not be turned down, especially as it was a chance for some of the team
to dust off the cobwebs before the big international Presidents
tournament next week.
Things looked good in the beginning with two quick
tries in the first ten, a defensive blunder midfield 20m out handed the
ball to an unmarked BJ to stroll across the line. Then hard on
attack, Jacko found himself in the middle of a ruck on the line, being
an out and out speeeeedsterrrrrrr more suited to the wing, and being as
much use as a mosquito slapping down an elephant, he decided to
withdraw from said ruck and found himself in the right place to receive
the ball from Auntie one metre out to fall over the line. Feeling
quite good about ourselves, the wino's then delivered a quick right
with their own two tries before Stu staged a comeback with his own two
brilliant tries. The best coming from a bust up the middle from
Sooley that had the young guys in the opposition quaking in their boots
at the thought of tackling him head on, so waited till he passed to mow
him down from behind, but with the Stu foghorn blasting out left on the
wing (hadn't retired from the last ruck) even deafhead Sooley could
find him, and with a deft pass allowed Stu to blast over the line from
20m out. The rest of the game found us out as the Fijian flyers
and the young ones in the Wino backline started to make inroads, and
our dislike for non contested scrums did our heads in. But some
of the more memorable sights were of the great hippo Sumo rumbling over
for an almost try in the corner, and our Jacko getting absolutely
smashed over by the Fijian terminator in the corner when diving for a
try...beautiful!!
Not a great omen for next week, but we now know what
the rules are like, so will have to adapt like the dodo bird did, ehh!!
13 September Presidents Cup (Runners up)
The big day arrived, boys assembled at the clubrooms to catch the aptly
named "Party Bus Company" steed to take us across to the Takapuna
fields to defend our title from last year. With a complement of
more than thirty players, short work was made in raising the tent, and
the boys were ready for a full day of sun and rugby. To make it
to the finals would require five games, and every reserve was going to
have to make an effort. We did falter at the final hurdle, but we
made it past the following teams:
Waiheke Wanderers - a good first up for us, we were hoping the
wanderers would still be on island time, and it proved so with a good
win to us, 5 tries to nil.
Marist Ardmore - another bunch of tries to us meant we were looking
good, the moves were starting to flow, the backs were stepping and
forwards were hitting, bring on the next team!!
Ponsonby Legends - this was shaping up as the game to win and both
teams knew it. The game was tight throughout, but the two tries
we scored were good enough hold out the "young" legends from Ponsonby
with their only try scored late in the second half.
Semi-final
Grangonian Old Boys - a late call up to play the semi against us, this
team from South America had great looking gear and even better looking
WAGS. We couldn't understand a word they said, but they certainly
enjoyed their rugby and rattled us enough to know that this was not our
finest game despite the win.
Final
Mt Maunganui - these boys had travelled up to the big smoke to steal
the trophy, and through hardnosed defense and determined attack, proved
to be the best team on the day. We didn't get a show in, with the
injury toll depleting our stocks and old legs turning to rubber, the
beer tent was looking more interesting with each passing second, so
congrats to the BOP boys!!
Comments and observations from the day:
Tattoo, our coach for the day, has the dubious honour of three finals and three losses, we know who to blame........
Sumo" Did you see me out jump Birty" (confirmed sighting)
Our WAGS (who are as stunning as those South American beauties, of
course), do know how to set up camp with wine flowing and cheese and
crackers on hand.
Auntie, 200+ games for the Maulers, another good bastard retired!
Despite the loss, IT"S STILL GOOD TO BE US!!!!
